Pasty's Place

What is a Sin?

2012-02-01T07:20:00.000-08:00

Is it really as simple as "Good Vs. Evil?"

I thought about this today as I read a cute Facebook joke from a friend's status: Did you know it was a sin to make coffee? Yep. In the Bible it says, "Hebrews."

The quote made me smile but it also made me think. We grow up being told what is right and what is wrong. Not everyone agrees on those issues either. There are some huge debates over issues such as gay marriage, plural marriage, drinking, and even dancing. So if some believe it and some don't - is it really a sin?
According to dictionary.com a sin is defined as:

sin

¹ noun, verb, sinned, sin·ning.

noun

transgression of divine law: the sin of Adam.

any act regarded as such a transgression, especially a willfulor deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle.

any reprehensible or regrettable action, behavior, lapse,etc.; great fault or offense: It's a sin to waste time.

So, here is a dilemma. First, if you go with "divine law" who gets to decide what is divine? Some people have issues with the idea of God. Then there are those that do not worship the same God or who have a God that seems to have differing ideas on what people should be doing. Which is the same problem with the "religious" aspect of number 2. And of course we have those Frisbeetarians that worship the almighty Frisbee and it's freedom. Not much structure there to speak of. A sin here might be missing the catch - how does that transgression get punished?

So this brings us to number 3. Each of us might have things we regret in life. However, what one person regrets another might not. What one considers to be reprehensible to one might not be to someone else. A lot of what we do has been instilled in us from our childhood and the ideas that others around us have felt or thought. No two people think exactly alike.

There are certain social issues that most all of us find "reprehensible" such as criminal actions against other people. We want those people held accountable. Sometimes that doesn't happen and a majority of people become irate. You see this happen when a person literally gets away with murder.

Now, writing this as a woman and having my own thoughts would be a sin in some countries. It might even be punishable by stoning. I don't live in those countries. Thinking about it, I don't think it's fair. A lot of people from the same type of culture I was raised feel the same way. So, they have created groups to change those cultures and make them more aware of how what they do and believe is wrong.

Do we have that right? To trounce in and tell people that what we think they are doing is wrong? Maybe?

I think the answer lies in actually evaluating things. If you honestly in your heart believe that something is sinful - it is - for you. However, there are those out there that don't believe in sin at all. No matter what you say or what you do you may never be able to convince them you are right.

So my thought is this - why not live by what you believe and feel is right. The only person that should judge you is yourself because you are the only one that truly knows what is in your heart. Allow your friends to help support you, but don't base your life trying to live by what others expect of you. You'll never win and you'll be miserable.

So here is my definition of sin: "1. Going against and doing what you know and feel is wrong. 2. Not respecting the believes and ideas of others and imposing your thoughts on others to follow."

It's okay to feel someone else is wrong. It's even okay to tell them you feel that way. It's just not okay to judge them. Even the Bible says, "Judge not lest ye be judged." (Matthew 7:1)

And if you believe in Christianity then also remember this: "Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way." (Romans 14:13)

Confucius said, "The more a man meditates on good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large."

So, in my opinion, supporting your friend or family member is much more effective than judging him. Doing the contrary is sinful.

Yesterday....

2012-01-18T22:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I blocked my blog post with many others to oppose SOPA and PIPA. I made references on Facebook and on other sites. What I found out were that many people had no idea that these bills even existed. Something that would affect their lives was going through our political system and so many people had no idea what it even meant or that it existed. This is the type of thing that scares me. We simply sit back living our lives and become oblivious to things around us. We elect officials that don't ask us about how we think or feel about things. They in turn are influenced by the big money spenders - ones that can further promote their own careers.
It's a shame that as a people we forget the very basic idea that this country was founded upon - freedom. We fought for liberty from oppression. We banded together as a people against tyranny and over taxation. We were promised that there would be no taxation without representation. We do have representatives, but they don't seem to be fighting for us or to keep our freedoms. They spread rumors, lies, and innuendos about one another in an effort to confuse us so they can stay in power. It is not the voice of the people they represent they hear it is the promise of big money to further their campaigns.
I remember at one time how every mother used to say "one day my son wants to be president." It was something to be proud of. In reality the job is a thankless one that is run by the party he represents. These two parties have fought so hard against one another that they forgot about how to take care of business. Because of this our country is facing serious financial downfalls. Words such as honesty, integrity, and conviction are on the endangered list because the meaning behind them has been forgotten.
Remember the words "the land of the free and the home of the brave?" How is it the land of the free when those that work hard for their paychecks receive only 50%-75% of what they work for? How is it the home of the brave when we have so many people that sit at home and complain about issues from the comfort of their chairs in front of a computer when they don't even look to see what is actually happening? It is cowardice to sit back and watch everything that was bought with the blood of patriots wash away in the tears of ignorance.
Why are the important issues that they spout on things like gay marriage, plural marriage, or abortion? If a man marries a man he loves does it keep food off your table? If a man marries two or even three women does it make you cheat on your spouse? If a woman is pregnant and gets an abortion does it mean that you won't get your income tax refund? Should these even be issues of a governmental body? Not unless we are paying for them with our tax dollars.
I urge each and every person to become aware of what is happening in this country. I challenge each person to actually see what the issues are that seriously need to be addressed. Not what the politicians tell you needs to be looked at but what really matters. Quit listening to rhetoric and following a political party like it's a religion to be revered.
We, the people, have put ourselves here and it will take we, the people, to dig ourselves out. Let us show that patriotism and love of the country is not dead. Step outside the confines of Democrat and Republican brainwashing and remove the blinders so you can discover who and what is best to represent this country and bring it back on track.
One of the first ways is to stop electing people that support big money and bills like SOPA and PIPA and show them that WE will not stand back while they line their pockets at the expense of our freedoms. I am not a Democrat or a Republican. I am not a Liberal or a Conservative. I am not a label that they want to force upon me because I do not stand back and support their continued destruction. I am an American who loves this country and the ideas it was founded upon; and I am tired of watching power mongers rule and ruin and never accept responsibility for their actions.
No more.

If you want to prove you are just like the rest of the people then get paid like the people you claim to represent

Black Out in Opposition to SOPA and PIPA

2012-01-17T18:30:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow my blogspot will be blacked out in opposition to SOPA and PIPA. The names may sound like cute anime characters, but in reality they are a step in taking away more freedoms from the American people. I urge all of you to write your congressmen and senators to tell them to say now to SOPA and PIPA.Thank you.

Here comes the snow?

2012-01-12T08:09:00.000-08:00

We were told there was going to finally be snow here in Wisconsin last night. They lied. It just started a little bit ago. I guess that just goes to show that predicting the weather is not an exact science.
My boys will be super excited that we finally have some white out there. One of the things they absolutely love about Wisconsin is the snow. When we first moved here, about ten years ago, I used to tease them about wearing their snow boots. Every time they wore them it snowed. It got to be that they wore them almost all Winter to make it snow. Cian would tromp around the kitchen in his snow boots just in case Mother Nature didn't see them on his feet. His pounding was an assurance that she would notice and keep the snow going. When I would tease yell at them to take them off, they would just giggle and run around the house yelling, "Snow! Snow!"
I think those days are over for Aidan now. It's not that he doesn't still enjoy the snow, although that might change now that he's driving. I think it's more that he is more interested in maintaining that cool teenage persona he has developed. After all, it's not cool to get too excited over things.
But that is another story entirely.
For those that have forgotten what snow is - since it's been so long here - remember to drive safely.

2012-01-11T11:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, click on the rafflecopter link to enter the giveaway! This giveaway is for those on the Fox Valley Facebook site only. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

A Look Into 2012 - Apocalypse or Transition?

2012-01-01T18:48:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot of hype with going into 2012. Many believe that the Mayan calendar shows that the world will end and disaster will engulf the world. Of course predictions of the world ending has been going on for a long time now. Many people seem to just be waiting for the end of the world. But trying to determine what is going to happen? The best one can do is speculate. I wouldn't recommend people stop paying their mortgages or quitting their jobs just yet.

If we look at 2012 in numerology we come up with the number 5. (2 + 0 + 1 + 2 = 5) The number five when dealing with years suggests a major change. It states that people will be going in a new direction. There will be no easy way to follow the same routine of the past.

Astrologically we look at 2012 there are interesting occurrences. For instance, on June 6, 2012 Venus will perfectly align with the Earth and we will have a complete solar eclipse on November 13. Plus, we see that on June 24, 2012 is the first of seven of Uranus/Pluto squares which do not end until 2015. The last time this happened was in the 1930's when Hitler and Stalin were able to virtually bewitch large masses of people, the Great Depression took hold of the United States, and the Hindenburg exploded. I imagine that many people living during this era thought it was indeed the end of the world.

If we look at what Nostradamus had to say, for those that have credence in his prophesies, predicted that in the 13th sign in the zodiac on December 21, 2012 will come the end of the world as mankind knows it. The sign, Ophiuchus, is supposed to be an unlucky sign. During this time a "Dark Rift" will happen as Sagittarius points his arrow directly at the center of the universe. A pole shift is said to happen, which is predicted to happen every 13,000 years or so, is predicted to occur during this time. Of course even though many people had not heard of a 13th sign until it made news last year, the sign has been in existence from it's discovery in 130 AD.

What everything here seems to have in common is the word "change." No matter how you look at it 2012 is a time of change, like any new year. If disaster were to come would there be any way to stop it? Is anyone able to talk to an earthquake and get it to stop? Can you effectively ask a flood to just recede? Can you look a tornado in the eye and scare it into submission? Not likely.

So, what can we do? We can move with the change. If a large "Galactic Wave" is to come and is meant to come it will come. In the meantime we can only do what we can do. We take care of things we can take care of. We accomplish things that we are able to accomplish. We live. We love. We adapt.

So, from what I can tell 2012 does not have to be a year of catastrophe but it could be a year of needed change in our world. Change does not have to be a bad thing.

During the Holiday

2011-12-20T09:43:00.000-08:00

I know that a lot of people struggle with finances these days. The entire country itself is struggling with finances which only makes things more difficult on business and people in general. This is a great time of stress as well. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to give and make other people we love happy. Sometimes that is just impossible. I know of families that have members that have lost their jobs. The stress became so bad that they fought with each other and one of the parties leaves the other behind. This causes more stress. The other party then doesn't perform as well at work or in her/his relationships outside. They lose friends and become more isolated. This is all a trap. So before you become a statistic think of these things:

1. A gift is one that comes from the heart. It can be as simple as a smile or a note that tells someone how important they are. It does not have to cost money or run on batteries or electricity. If a person doesn't appreciate such a gift then it is their own materialism in question and not your generosity.

2. If you are going through hard times your spouse/significant other is the person you should most be able to lean on. Before arguing about money think about what is truly important. I know for a fact that if I lost everything I own today and still had my family I would feel lucky and blessed. My house is a thing. My car is a thing. My family is my heart. I may not plan on losing my home or car, but things happen that are sometimes beyond our control. Think about this for a bit and you will understand what I mean. Arguing over things are not as important as maintaining communication and love.

3. Never give up. Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected sources. I know someone personally that a year ago had lost it all. They kept the family together. They persevered, managed to gain other employment and a year later are back on their feet - as a family. Put out good energies instead of focusing on the bad that happens.

4. Give up on the past. Don't place blame on everyone and everything else. Focusing blame doesn't change your circumstances. The only way to move forward is to focus on what you need, not on what you may have lost or may lose. Sometimes people blame others and other things just to justify themselves. It's not necessary. Being right or wrong doesn't change the circumstance. It only holds us back longer and tends to make us seem that we are feeling sorry for ourselves.

For those of us that have been blessed with continued good fortune, pass it along. I don't mean with money or gifts, but with support, love, and encouragement.

Remember, an act of kindness never truly goes unnoticed, sometimes it just feels that way because we expect immediate results.

A Thank you to our Vets

2011-11-11T06:23:00.001-08:00

An Online Dating Guide for the Single Man

2011-10-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

I have friends that are back on the dating scene. Most of the guys they meet seem clueless. So, here is a hint for the men out there that are looking for a woman.

You're sitting at home wanting to goout, but you find it's just really hard to meet anyone. You figure itshould be easy, after all men outnumber women in society, but it'sjust not that easy. So what are you doing wrong? Maybe nothing.Perhaps you just need a few simple suggestions to help you get backon that dating saddle and ride to your next relationship.

Let's start with online dating, whichis becoming the only way most people seem to be able to meet anyone.First, always have your picture up on your profile page. Do not usean old picture or a picture that you took with your ex, but you cuther out. Take the time to get a real up to date picture that lookslike you. Nothing sends off warning signs to a woman like a man whowon't provide a picture or one that sends a picture that looksnothing like the guy. If dating is really important to you, take afew minutes to clean up your mug, smile, and click.

Another important thing to remember onyour profile is to be honest and upbeat. If your profile sayssomething like, “No one wants to date me because most women todayjust don't like us fat guys,” more than likely you'll make thatself-fulfilling prophecy come true. Stick to the positive aspects ofyour personality, the hobbies you like to have, and what you reallywould like to find in a relationship. Stay away from stating you arelooking for a specific body type. What that tells a woman is that youare just looking for sex. Most women want a man that keeps an openmind when it comes to women. If you state, “only answer if you'rethin and good-looking” or “no fatties need apply” you've cutyour chances of meeting someone down to about zero.

When you do have a woman that answersyour request to chat, keep it light and the tone just conversational.A lot of men go straight to the sex talk. That puts up a huge redflag for most women. You could very well end up on their block list.You'll find most women on a dating site are looking for arelationship that lasts more than one night in the sack. If you'relooking for a one night stand, then the dating website might not beyour best option. Ask the woman about her interests, her job, andanything else that the conversation you are having seems to leadtoward. Do not lie about the amount of money you make, youreducational background, or what you do for a living. The truth willeventually come out and you will end up back where you started –dateless.

Finally, when you find that woman thatagrees to meet you for coffee or dinner take a small amount of timeto clean up. Show that you put a little effort into the date. She'llnotice and appreciate it. Also, keep your hands in check. Nothingturns a woman off more than a man that can't keep his hands tohimself and has no self-control. It not only makes her feel like youare only looking for another sexual conquest, but it turns her off.As long as it may have been for you since your last encounter, if youreally want a second date and like the woman you'll need to restrainyourself and wait just a little longer.

So, just remember these simple littlethings and you'll be on your way to finding your perfect woman. Keepit honest, keep it simple, and keep your hands to yourself. If youfollow these simple steps there is little doubt that you will be offthe computer and on your way to dating a real life woman.

It's so tiring...

2011-10-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

We have millions of people working to try and make ends meet. We have millions of people complaining about the state of affairs in the country. We aren't alone, though. Every single country in the world has complaints.
But it's tiring listening to politicians all say they have the answer - no one is listening.

No matter who comes up with what plan not everyone is going to be happy. We need to be more proactive in our efforts. Quit worrying about which political party will benefit the most. Quit making snide comments about this guy or that guy. Quit jacking everyone around and just do your job.

It's just tiring listening to the same arguments over and over again. Step up, swallow your pride, forget about your political affiliations and think about this country, because in reality, if you don't stop mucking around you won't have a political party to worry about because the country will have fallen apart. Who gets the last laugh then?

Religion in Schools

2011-10-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

I realize that there are many families out there that have very strict religious beliefs. It is only natural to want to instill those ideas on your children. However, what I have noticed in my son's 6th grade social studies class some of them do not teach religious tolerance as well.

In this particular class they were talking about Hinduism and their idea of reincarnation. It is understandable that a Christian child would not believe in the concept of reincarnation, but when that same child was asked "If you had a Hindu friend how would you tell him about your idea that reincarnation is not real to you?" The boy answered, "I would tell him that reincarnation is stupid." The conversation went on with other children weighing in on the subject. Most of the class agreed that there cannot possibly be anything awaiting them after death except heaven.

I do not have a problem with the concept of heaven. I don't even have an issue with children being raised Christian. My son, in response to the question answered, "I think everyone has the right to believe how they want. If I had a Hindu friend I would let him tell me about what he believes and we could share our ideas together." He also realized that calling his friend "stupid" would probably not be a very friendly act. My son also told his class that he was not Hindu nor Buddhist, but that we did have some Hindu and Buddhist objects in our home. No one commented.

In this same class it was brought up that Yoga is also a Hindu practice. His teacher told the class that the word "yoga" means "union." Some of the classmates admitted that they or their parents practiced yoga at some time or another. Yoga also was said to bring spiritual insight and tranquility, a concept that no one seemed to have a problem with. It was said then that this practice had been taken over and Americanized so that made it okay.

I remember not too long ago that I had brought up to some people the idea of meditation and reflection in our daily lives. I find this to be an extremely good practice for relieving stress and giving myself some time away from issues and problems. These people looked at me as if I had two heads and was spouting nonsense. One woman very calmly told me, "I just pray. Praying to God is what gets me through."

I don't have a problem with prayer. I pray. However, just because you meditate doesn't mean you can't pray. I have taught my children to meditate. I remember my now sixth grader when he was only 3 years old sitting on the end of the bed with me crossed legged, closing his eyes, his little hands resting on the ends of his knees and his thumb touching the tips of his middle fingers. His brother and I were watching him and smiled broadly. Then we started breathing deeply. As we settled into our breathing we heard, "Ommmm... ommm... ommm...." We looked up to see his eyes clenched tightly and him rocking slightly back and forth chanting. We started laughing. Even though he had been raised with us meditating daily, he had seen something on television about meditation. That one image and program had changed his entire aspect on what we were doing.

I say, if you need to pray - pray. I recommend meditation. I also say that if it comforts you to believe that you can come back to another life to live it better - go for it. If it brings you comfort than it is doing something good.

We need to be careful what we do to our children. Making them too rigid may very well make them miserable adults.

A Tribute of Thanks from the Family of Bill Dunbar

2011-09-11T18:08:00.000-07:00

Bill Dunbar

During our lives we expect to have special people to share things with. When you are born you start with your parents and sibling, aunts and uncles, cousins, and so on. You are influenced by these people as they help you grow up and make decisions in your life. When you get married your family expands. You gain more parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, and so on. They become an integral part of your life and as they go through life they share their feelings with you. It's expected.

Some of the people that affect our life are more memorable and have more of an impact on you and your family. These are the people that we tend to look up to. Many times we may even take for granted that they are there and will always be there. However, regardless of how we see things or feel about them, life doesn't work that way. Sometimes even the most special people leave us. We experience grief. We share memories. Those left behind hopefully become closer because we realize that we did have a bond. We were connected by our emotions for that person that linked us and reminded us that we truly are family - not bound by blood, but bound by heart.

This is what happened to my family. My father-in-law, Bill Dunbar was a man that valued friends and family. His laugh was infectious. He has more passion in his soul than you would believe any single human being could hold. His love of life, family, and friends was almost magical. His soul was free. He was able to show this when he sailed. He was able to maneuver through the water with ease and it was as if he was brother to the water and the wind. He was full of knowledge and generosity making him a memorable figure in every life he touched.

As part of his family, we knew this. We lived it and experienced it. And when we lost him we felt it deeply. It's expected because we are family. What we didn't expect was the generosity and outpouring of love and sympathy from the friends he made at the Tsa-La-Gi Yacht Sailing Club out of Okay, OK. They expanded what we knew of Bill and showed us the difference he made not only in our lives, but in the lives of others.

During his memorial service and afterward at the dinner they kindly provided for us in his memory we learned that Bill had been loved by many other people. He never failed to help someone with a project or a need. He was full of words of wisdom for them. He made people feel special. He was the type of man that they wanted to honor and remember. They extended this compassion and generosity to us, his family. The people at the club gave us a new view of Bill and went beyond the normal sympathy that friends show.

These wonderful and magnanimous people took us out on the water that our Bill loved to sail. They helped us remember him not only through our eyes but theirs. We prayed over the water, placed roses and flowers there to commemorate his memory and true love. We found a group of amazing people here in Oklahoma and understood how and why Bill would spend so much time there.

A mere thank you does not seem enough for all they gave us yesterday, but we do thank them all for what they gave us. We will remember it in our hearts and will keep them all in our prayers.

* Note: "TLG Yacht Club is located Southeast of Tulsa. From Wagoner south on highway 16 to the turn east on Gray Oaks Road is 7 miles. East on Gray Oaks Road for 4.3 miles to the second 4 way stop. North for 2 miles a sharp left curve then a sharp right curve to the Jackson Bay sign. Then left for .25 mile to the TLG gate. Jackson Bay Marina and Tsa-La-Gi Yacht Club are the same entity.

Now I Understand Mary's Little Lamb at School.

2011-07-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

CNN report on sheep and solar panels help cut school costs at Wilson Middle School in Carlisle, PA.

More schools should be as innovative. If everyone thought about cutting costs this way, perhaps we wouldn't have so much debt!

Gives Mary's Little Lamb following her to school a whole new perspective.

Letter to My Senators

2011-07-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

It is ridiculous how Congress continues to argue over the debt and the debt plan. Previously the committee of Bohner and others worked together to come up with a plan and everyone was so excited. It was a bi-partisan effort, but only until it came out of committee. Now, it seems, it's a joke because Democrats want to add more spending capitol to it and Bohner refused.

We NEED to put a stop to overspending. An American family is not allowed to overspend. If we do it we lose our home or our cars because we only have so much money going in. American families understand the concept of needing to budget. Budgeting means that we have to sacrifice some things in order to get ourselves back on our feet.

The American people are tired of the bickering and procrastination. We could care less about Democrats or Republicans or Independents for that matter. What we care about is taking care of business and getting back on track. If you cannot do that, step down from office and let us put someone in that can.

As far as many of us here in Wisconsin are concerned - cut your pensions when you leave office. Save money there. You aren't working for us anymore so you don't need to get paid. We don't get paid when we leave a job. Quit giving yourself pay raises. Quit using the private jet to fly home. Buy a ticket and go coach like the rest of us. You are overspending and then complain about cuts. It's ludicrous.

The American people are not stupid. You cannot stand in front of us and talk about how this affects our elderly and try to run us through a series of equally picturesque and untrue statements like a carnival con-man just to get your way. If we end up broke and broken medicare, social security, and everything else won't matter anyway. So, lets get real.

Quit trying to convince us that further taxing is going to fix our problems. More tax means less jobs. Not to mention that there aren't enough rich in the nation to fix our debt crisis. Taxing them more would not even put a drop in the bucket.

Do we like the idea of cuts? No. However, we are intelligent enough to understand that it has to happen.

My husband and I are not alone on this. Look at Facebook pages and blog spots. Watch Google +. Read Twitter. You will find that the American people want you to take the cuts. We want you to show you are looking out for the people you represent and not the party you represent.

It's time to show us you went there to do a job and did not run to line your pockets.

** Of course my husband, Brian, has written to Senator Kohl before who merely responds that Brian does not know what he is talking about. Interesting, since Brian is one of the most well read and intelligent people I have ever met. I suspect that my being Magna Cum Laude and Phi Beta Kappa makes me educated, however, if I do not agree with Senator Kohl I too will be considered "uninformed," regardless of the fact that I have been reading, examining, and even researching the issue for several months now. Of course Senator Kohl is not seeking re-election, so I'm sure irritating people is not a major concern of his.

Ron Johnson is a freshman senator, but he has been vocal about the issue. It will be interesting to see his response. However, he sounds like a Republican...and of course most of the Democrats sound like Democrats. It would be nice to find a Senator that would sound like an American who cares about the people they are supposed to represent and them be able to influence the others.

Mila Kunis Deserves Major Cudos

2011-07-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

When a brave and innovative Sgt. Scott Moore takes time from fighting to make a youtube video asking a celebrity, Mila Kunis, for a date, it became a youtube sensation. Gotta love it. It is, after all, the new age of YouTube celebrity mania.

Of course many didn't actually believed that he would get that date. But in steps Justin Timberlake, her co-star in the new film "Friends With Benefits." He tells her it is a duty to her country to accept this soldier's offer to the ball. The event will be held in Greenville, NC on November 18, 2011. They will make a handsome couple.

Also, the agreement to attend by Ms. Kunis and the encouragement given her by Mr. Timberlake put both celebrities high on the "COOL" list.

I have to say that I think it is super of both Mila and Justin to honor the soldier's request. When Timberlake was asked by Mila if he would go too, he politely responded that he was not invited. However, I'm pretty sure there is an attractive marine out there that might just invite him to attend as well. We'll have to wait and see.

Caylee Anthony - Maybe Justice is Blind

2011-07-09T07:57:00.000-07:00

Many people asked why the Casey Anthony trial was such a sensation around the country. Millions of people tweeted, made status updates, and blogged about the 2 1/2 little girl that was kidnapped by her nanny. A few months later, after thousands searched and combed the area for the child, she was found about a mile from her home. Her coffin consisted of a Winnie the Pooh blanket, a laundry bag, and two black trash bags. Her grave was a drug infested swamp. A once bright and active child was gone. People wanted answers, but none were going to be given.

The child's mother, knowing the child was dead, said nothing. Instead she left home to live with a man and party. She took the time to make shopping sprees with other people's money, as she didn't work and had none of her own. She had never assumed responsibility for her life or her actions, always depending on her mother and father to take care of things, which they did. Her parents doted on their granddaughter and made sure she never lacked for anything in her life. They provided shelter, food, love, and care to both Casey and her daughter.

After a while of supporting Casey her parents insisted that she help provide for her child. It was only right for a 22 year old woman with a child to help provide for her. Casey agreed, came home one day and said she found a job. Court records now show that Casey never worked during this time. She was lying to her parents and friends, and later would share this same lie with the police. Casey would, however, come up with money. Where did this money come from? During testimony we learned that she had made several unauthorized charges on her mother's account. According to Casey's aunt, she had also stolen money from her grandmother. She would later be arrested for writing illegal checks she stole from her best friend. A pattern of behavior was forming.

During some of the time that Casey was at her fake job, her parents would help watch Caylee. Sometime in here Casey's mother argued with her about not taking responsibility for her daughter. Court testimony tells us that at one point Casey's mother even accused her of being an "unfit mother," words that seemed to have stung Casey and caused her to become bitter toward her parents. According to testimony from friends, Casey told them her mother was crazy and she wanted to get away from her. Casey's story was so convincing that her best friend, Amy, was leery during July of 2008 when Casey's mother called looking for her daughter and granddaughter.

Casey's parents were frantic. The last time Caylee was seen alive was on June 16, 2008. On that same day in June at around 3:30 p.m. Casey, according to court records and testimony, made several unanswered calls to her mother at work. It wasn't unusual for Casey to call her mother asking for favors. This time, however, Cindy refused the calls. She was busy at work.

Not long after these calls, Casey was seen on video tape at Block Buster Video arm in arm with a man. There was no Caylee in sight. Caylee would not be found for almost a half year. Casey would insist that Caylee was with a nanny, Zanny Gonzales, a name she stole off an apartment mailbox. For the next 31 days Casey would also lie to her mother regarding her whereabouts. She would be with Zanny, or with other fictional people on a work trip. Toward the end of this time she would be staying with a non-existent man with whom she had a romantic interest. Lies designed to keep her mother at bay.

For 31 days Casey stayed with friends. She planned a trip to the Bahamas with friends, but would not go. Casey didn’t have the funds to go. She wasn’t working. She would spend these 31 days, not pining for the loss of her child, but going to bars drinking, dancing, and laughing it up with friends. When questioned about her daughter she would say the child was with the nanny. Video tape shown in court also shows that Casey went on shopping sprees using funds from her best friend’s account. Not one item in front of the clerk was for her supposedly beloved child. The only thing she purchased, according to Casey, for her daughter was a tattoo with the words, Bella Vita. Everyone called testified that Casey, during this entire time, was happy and carefree. Her defense countered with, “Everyone grieves differently.” In this case the world was seeing a woman who didn’t grieve at all.

When Casey was found by her mother, they argued. The one thing on Casey’s mother’s mind was where was her granddaughter? For the entire month Casey had managed to put off her parents about where the child was. They were not going to be put off any longer. Casey wouldn’t cave. She gave one excuse after another. Her mother called the police. It was not the first call she had made, and would not be the last. Circumstantial evidence was pointing to Caylee not being okay. One such tell tale item was Casey’s car left abandoned which, according to testimony, smelled like a dead body.

Casey came up with more lies on top of other lies. Caylee was kidnapped by the nanny. Casey had spent the last 31 days searching for her daughter. Casey would continue her lies with the police. She would, in front of distraught parents visiting her in jail, insist that the child was simply missing. Scenarios arose about Caylee being dead and Casey would push them off as being ridiculous. “The truth will come out in court,” she insisted. In one video you see her praising her mother and father for being the best parents and grandparents ever. After Caylee’s remains are found she defames them in court.

Search parties ensue. Thousands of dollars are spent on t-shirts, posters, food, and various other materials to enlist help from people to search for Caylee. Efforts to find her seem futile. Casey continues to lie, and people continue to believe her. Everyone, that is, except the police. When led to her place of work Casey is backed into a corner and has to admit she has not been working. As they investigate Zanny they discover everything they were told is a lie. Why would a mother lie about her child being missing? Something wasn’t right.

In December 2008 Caylee’s body is found. There is no physical evidence left. The body had been through flooding, a hurricane, and had been ravaged by animals. The skull had duct tape around the face, duct tape that could be traced back to the Anthony home. The laundry bag and blanket could also be traced back to the Anthony home. Caylee was no longer considered missing. She was considered murdered.

Interestingly enough, even after all her lies, people still listened Casey and believe her. Casey, who had never assumed responsibility before and who had continually lied, was believed over other people. In front of her father she had, captured on tape, called him “the best dad,” now she called him a pedophile. Casey put her entire family on trial. Focus was not directed entirely toward her and the things she had done. Now people were discussing her family and how twisted they were. These were things Casey said that people wanted to believe.

In true Casey style, she had shifted the death of her daughter to someone else. Instead of the nanny taking her daughter, her father had, for reasons unknown, hidden the body. Casey now said the child had drowned in the family pool. No reason was given for not administering CPR or calling 911. These small, yet significant facts were lost in the accusation that her father was a pedophile and an adulterer. Accusations made by a woman that had already been proven -beyond a shadow of a doubt - to be a pathological liar.

At trial the defense promised to show that the child had drown. That promise was never fulfilled. Instead, we found out that a similar drowning story was shared in the jail where Casey Anthony had been living. No proof would come to show that she had heard that story. However, during parental visits Casey’s mother shared speculation with Casey that the media was saying Caylee had drowned in the pool. Instead of flinching or gasping, a very cool Casey replies with, “Surprise, surprise,” and a small roll of her eyes.

Regardless, after 6 weeks of testimony, video, and circumstantial evidence the jury deliberated. To the shock of everyone they acquitted on all counts except lying. They had decided that Casey Anthony was more believable than the State of Florida. They believed that Casey Anthony was more truthful than her friends and family. Casey Anthony was even more believable than scientific evidence. In today's world, obviously people want to believe an attractive young woman regardless of the evidence.

Since the end of the trial six jurors have come out to claim that they were pressured to vote “not guilty.” Yet when polled they didn’t say one word to that effect.

Many have found it amazing that a woman, who was said to be a “great mom” who truly loved her child, could place her in a swamp to have her body ravaged by animals. A loving mother would spend 31days avoiding her family. The only memorial she had to give her daughter was a tattoo.

The question is, if this mother loved her daughter so much, why would she hide the body? If the child had truly died accidently, why not allow her to be buried with love and a headstone showing the world how much she meant to her?

These are questions that we will never have answered, because even if Casey does publish a book explaining her side of things, how can anyone believe a single thing this woman says? Plus, why would we want to reward her for costing so many people so much pain? The answer: because people are more curious then they are angry.

That is what is wrong with this world today.

Who is to blame for the US Economic Problems?

2011-06-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

So, is Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, or Barack Obama responsible for the economic difficulties we have in the US today? In my opinion - none of them. The citizens of the United States are responsible for our woes. Why? Because we have a free election and we spend our time arguing, not about what is really important in the nation, but which party has the best plan. We have allowed ourselves to separate into two groups like social groups in high school. But, this isn't high school.

By only aligning ourselves with a party system we are missing the big picture and not making the hard choices we should be making. Politics have become a big money industry. Politicians seem to mostly be interested in power and increasing their power. They are used to living the high life. So how do these people show they are in touch with the average Joe? They go to town hall meetings. They shake hands with citizens. They hire people to make pretty speeches. At the end of the day they go to a high end hotel or back to their high dollar home.

The current, 2011, salary for a rank-and-file member of the House and Senate is $174,000 per year. The Speaker of the House receives $223,500 per year. The Majority Leader gets paid $193,400 as does the Majority Party Leader. The vice-president is paid $230,700 while the president himself makes $400,00 per year plus another $50,000 for an expense allowance. His family gets free room and board during his tenure as well. When Obama leaves office he will continue being paid almost $200,000 for life.

During earlier years senators and representatives were paid on a daily basis, and only if they were in session. So, perhaps during the late 1700's through the 1800's politicians were passionate and concerned with the well-being of the country. Today we don't see the same passion. We have television and news mediums that promote politicians based on their ratings and charisma. Charisma will not save this country.

Common sense tells us that continually electing politicians because of a party affiliation is fool-hearty. The democrats want to tax the rich. There are not enough rich to tax that will save this economy. They want to tax big business. Big business is already struggling, doing layoffs (part of the reason for our current high unemployment), and filing for bankruptcy. This isn't an answer to our economic woes either. Republicans want to give big business tax breaks claiming it will increase their income and allow them to hire more people. They want to cut union strength to give more power to individuals, but this would also mean that the big companies would have to do the right thing by their employees. But how will this cut the national debt in time even if more people are working and paying taxes?

Everyone complains about the welfare system and how so many people take advantage of our hard earned tax dollars, but no one wants to let anyone take steps to do a much needed revamp. We all complain about the loss of social security and how it needs to be saved, yet no one wants to have it touched in order to fix it. So what is the answer to our woes?

The answer is to quit listening to party politics and start using the free education we were given and making a sound judgement based on taking an honest interest in what people are trying to run for office. Quit financing high dollar campaigns. The man with the money doesn't have to win. The man with a solid plan and a passion for this country should have a fighting chance to honestly represent us. It shouldn't matter if he wears an Armani suit or has a manicure. It's time for us to make a real change in this country. Only the American people can do it. We just need to care enough.

(Side note: Perhaps Paul Ryan has a good plan. He's been demeaned by Democrats and denounced by his fellow Republicans. At least he puts himself out there and isn't deterred by ridicule. Maybe he should step out of the party and garner independent support.)

Raising Children When You're in Your 40's

2011-05-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

My daughter

When I was told that I couldn't have children, I cried. Of course every time someone else tells me that I can't do something I try my best to prove them wrong. In this case I ended up having four great kids.

I was thinking today, after watching my daughter with her new born son, about how different I parented after having my second set of children. In my 20's I was much more high strung about the children. As they grew up I didn't have nearly the patience as I did with the second set. My two older ones will tell you that they were spanked growing up. My two younger ones will tell you they haven't been spanked. It's an entirely different way of raising children.

So is age the difference? It's not just the age. I went to college after having the first two. I studied to become and educator for children with learning differences. I was schooled in different types of behavior management. I understood more about what a child was going through as they grew older and the different stages of their development. I also changed my living situation.

My new grandson

What I do know is that each child is and individual. What may work on one child may not work on another. While visiting with my daughter and new grandson yesterday I teased her a bit. "Put the baby on a schedule if you don't like how often he's nursing," I smiled. She gave me an odd look and replied, "Yeah. That worked so well when we tried it coming home from the hospital. You try to tell him he can wait ten or fifteen more minutes to eat."

That was my point. Sometimes you just have to develop a system that works for both of you. I'm very proud of my daughter and her growing relationship with her own child. They are both amazing. She has read books on raising children and what you should and shouldn't do for infants, but in the long run she is developing her own parenting style - and it works.

My three sons

I have no doubt in my mind that her little guy will grow up to be a very loving, intelligent, and amusing young man just like his uncles. After all, his mother is doing a fantastic job.

Here's the Bzz on Trend Micro's Online Guardian

2011-05-25T12:02:00.000-07:00

I am a BzzAgent and I was asked to check out Trend Micro Systems new Online Guardian Program. I was excited to do this one, to tell the truth. One reason is because at one time I had sneaky teenagers in my home. I know, no way, right? But yes, it happened. They were doing rather unsavory and unsafe things on the computer. Of course when confronted they denied it. Again, I know, a child lying to us? Unthinkable, right? But it happened. It must have been gremlins coming in and sneaking on the computer visiting porn sites that could bring computer viruses and other children hacking into their Facebook accounts and emails writing unsafe things to total strangers.

Like most parents we didn't want to call the children liars, but we didn't always have proof of what they were doing. With this program you can keep them from having to lie. You can see exactly what they are doing and curtail their activities. This program is even geared toward different age groups and allows the parents to give specific times they can be on the computer. You can even decide how long they can be on a website. It's super cool. Well, the kids might not think so, but your peace of mind will thank you.

So my recommendation is that if you are a parent of children that are accessing the internet you really need this program.

Color me Surprised!

2011-05-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, I admit it. I read a blog claiming it was spoiler and Dancing with the Stars was rigged. It claimed that Chelsea Kane was going to win. Week after week it was as if the blog was coming true. Would they do that and rig the competition making us believe that our votes actually mattered?

In the end Hines Ward won. I loved watching both Kirstie Alley and Hines. Now the only thing that will make the entire thing perfect is for Hines to join the Green Bay Packers. Right now he plays for the Pittsburg Steelers, who are now having a flagrant foul rule named after them for their numerous illegal hits. Hines would be better off with the Packers, don't you think? :)

Winter vs. Spring

2011-04-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Today is rather a gloomy day. It is supposed to be Spring, but it's like Winter won't let go and is clinging to the Earth for dear life. It is as if when Spring comes Winter will still have it's icy fingers embedded somewhere keeping a chill in the air so it won't be forgotten.

Stupidity Not Racism

2011-04-19T06:38:00.000-07:00

The news today was regarding an elderly Republican party politician in California, Marilyn Davenport, forwarding an email she received of President Obama as a baby chimp. It was, according to Davenport, sent as a joke as to why Obama doesn't have a birth certificate.

Of course now people are up in arms saying that this is a racist thing, to which Ms. Davenport says that she didn't even consider him as being "half-black."

It's not the first time that politics turn ugly. Several unkind depictions have been made by high ranking Republican black politicians such as Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell. When one side doesn't like another it seems that they don't use intelligent boundaries before making unkind depictions.

Bush has been toted as an ape as well by Democrats. However, it doesn't seem to be as much of a problem depicting him as an ape as it does Obama. Personally, I find them all offensive.

"Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death."

The entire situation is, well, to be honest, quite stupid. There is no need to determine if Obama has a birth certificate. At this point and time that is a moot point. He is our president. Even if you don't agree with all of his politics he deserves a certain amount of courtesy and respect because the majority of us elected him into office. It was the same with Bush. Besides, all of these reek of party politics. There is no intelligence in either case of the political "monkeydom."

As far as racism goes, the fact that Obama is indeed "half black" doesn't mean a thing. I could care less if he were 100% black or even Chinese-American or Native American. It's not the race that matters, it's how they do their job.

In 2011 we don't have separate water fountains, different seats on the bus, nor do we have separate bathrooms. We make our own racism by continuing to do stupid crap like photo shopping animal pictures to make unkind remarks about people that we looked up to enough to elect into a public office.

In my opinion this is a stupidity problem, not a racial problem. Grow up.

Wisconsin Voting War - Prosser Vs. Kloppenburg

2011-04-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

It was supposed to be a simple non-partisan election for a ten year term for a Supreme Court Judge in Wisconsin. Ten years ago David Prosser ran unopposed. Life was simple. Then changes were made and the office was being looked at more crucially as a potential area for lawmakers to have an influence. Then steps in Joanne Kloppenburg who on one hand says she won't put her personal opinions in her work, and yet on her facebook page already promotes her agenda of change. But aren't judges supposed to be impartial? And is it really non-partisan if they hit each other via ad campaigns for their political preferences?

A judge is supposed to look at the facts and figures, determine the legality of the issues, and follow the spirit of the constitution for which the body represents. We shouldn't have to worry if a judge is swayed by his/her own personal opinions or beliefs, although it does seem to lean in that direction at times. It doesn't make for a very secure and untainted judicial system when it does.

As most people know incumbents normally have an edge over newcomers in a race. We can see in this particular heated race that David Prosser has the judicial experience necessary to do the job, after all he's been doing the job since 1988. In 1988 Joanne Kloppenburg was just graduating from the University of Wisconsin Law School. She now works as an Assistant Attorney General and has argued in front of the Wisconsin Supreme Court.

However, it is not the job experience, education, or judicial record that people seemed to be voting on in this particular election. Record turnouts showed that Wisconsin voters felt that much more was at stake - namely the Wisconsin budget reform bill waiting in Democratic limbo to be judged by the courts.

Kloppenburg and her supporters toted Prosser as a Scott Walker stamp in their ad campaigns to incite their voters to dethrone his position. Prosser's campaign indicated that Kloppenburg was a corporate supporter and her courtroom experience was geared against the average Joe and in favor of big money. So far this doesn't sound very unbiased. It very much has the taste of two very distinct political parties - Republicans and Democrats.

So, with the illusion of a non-partisan race out of the way we come to the tallying of the votes. It was an exciting race with both teams coming out of the gates strong. One would nose ahead and then lose a bit of steam as the other loped slightly ahead toward the finish line. As they neared the gates and passed the end of the line it was declared a photo finish. Thursday morning results showed Prosser ahead by almost 800 votes. Thursday evening Kloppenburg was ahead by 200 votes. She then proclaimed victory, while Prosser declined to concede.

Just when you think that things can't be any more exciting in jumps a little ole county clerk from Waukesha County with an "oopsie." Seems that working late nights counting and tallying votes had taken a toll on the workers there. A little oversight of not including the city of Brookfield's votes made another huge difference in the election. Over 14,000 votes were not given to the AP for their election results. Here we find over 10,000 votes for Prosser and over 3,000 votes for Kloppenburg. And the crowds begin to roar - and not with cheers of victory, but with groans of contention.

Now we have accusations of conspiracy. The clerk's background becomes a bone of contention. She is a Republican after all, doesn't her viewpoint have to be tainted?

Now, take into consideration that the numbers were found during the mandated canvass of the votes. Also that the Vice Chair of the Waukesha County Democratic Party, Ramona Kitzinger, was there during the entire canvass process and assured everyone that she assures the numbers are now correct in that county. The city of Brookfield had indeed been omitted from the original tally.

Even with the Democratic Party assurance it seems that some voters are still yelling foul. They don't understand that an error like this is not uncommon and is the reason that a canvass is required after elections. If this had been the same non-partisan elections of the past no one would have even known. However this is not the case.

So let's take a small look at Brookfield and deem if it is possible for Prosser to have overtaken Kloppenburg in the election.

1. The population of Brookfield is almost 40,000 - more than enough to account for the number of votes
2. The median age of the residents is 42.5 years of age - definitely most residents seem to be of voting age.
3. The average income for residents in this city is over $80,000 per year - and it is noted that this city is predominantly Republican and conservative.

So, looking at the facts it is not surprising that the city of Brookfield would hold positive results for Prosser in this election. It would seem that Kloppenburg's declaration of victory was a bit premature, especially with the fact that with only a mere 200 vote lead the results were going to be headed toward a recount.

When you look at the facts of the election in the entirety it's very difficult to see where a conspiracy would come into play. It would be almost impossible to envision a county clerk donning all black clothing to sneak into her own office with a flashlight giggling in front of the low light of a computer to have her way with the votes. Tantalizing as that erroneous vision may be, there are records and trails that can be followed to see that nothing nefarious was done. People make mistakes. It happens.

The truly unfortunate part of this entire process was that we turned what should have been an unbiased race for a Supreme Court Judge into a partisan political fiasco. (Say that five times fast.)

Hena Akhter - Taking Things Too Far

2011-03-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

Hena (inset) and Hena's mother,

24.2. The fornicatress and the fornicator – flog each of them with a hundred stripes; and do not let pity for them hold you back from carrying out God's law, if you truly believe in God and the Last Day; and let a group of believers witness their punishment. (The Miraculous Quran)

Hena Akhter was only 14 years old. She was on outside going to the toilet when she was, according to testimony from her sister, gagged, drug to another location, and then raped by a married cousin. The wife, hearing noises, found the two. She was furious. In her rage she drug the girl into her home then beat her and trampled upon her. She then demanded justice accusing the girl of being a fornicator.

The man in question, in his forties, had been reported for harassing the girl before this incident. Hena's father had gone to the authorities to complain in an effort to protect his youngest daughter. The elders ordered the culprit, Mahbub Khan, to pay the family $1,000. However, other family members asked for forgiveness since he was related. Hena's father showed mercy and forgave the debt.

Mahbub Khan did not show the same mercy to Hena, nor did the court. Even upon hearing from Hena's family that the girl was innocent and a victim, both were sentenced by the imam to be flogged. Somehow Mahbub managed to get away and only received three or four hits. Hena was not as lucky. After about 70 hits the girl fell and did not get back up. She spent a week in the hospital suffering before she died. The entire time she proclaimed her innocence.

Many may look at this and blame the Muslim relgion, but the truth is that months before this practice, sharia, was outlawed. However many small villages are still practicing what many, including myself, consider a barbaric practice. It is something many of us would never condone nor understand.

This family lived in a village in Bangladesh surrounded by rice paddies and vegetable fields. Five of them shared a home put together by corrugated tin and rotten wood. The survived on the income of day laborers working the fields. Their lives were simple.

Nothing for them is simple now. The tragic death of their daughter has brought international attention to them and their tiny village. An investigation, an exhumation of the body, and several arrests, including that of Mahbub Khan, has rocked the very core of their village and the beliefs of the people that live there.

This story brings tears to my eyes. But before we thank whatever powers that be we believe in that we do not practice such barbaric things here in the US let's keep in mind that two young girls, both 11 years of age, were gang raped. One in Texas and the other in California.

The child in California was lured into the situation by another young girl where she knew that boys from a gang were waiting for her to bring them a victim. It was not a religious practice, but more like an initiation into the gang. An insidious act to prove domination and power over the innocent.

The child in Texas was taken into an abandoned trailer and raped by several young men of various ages. The horrible thing is that this 11 year old child is being blamed by some as "asking for it." They insinuate that this young girl is not innocent, she looks older than 11. The father responded that "she has a child's mind."

That shouldn't even have to be explained. Regardless of how mature this child looks, no one can honestly believe she asked for 18 boys/men to do something like this to her. It's beyond comprehension how someone, even a relative, can make excuses for such a horrible act. Blaming the victim shows no remorse for the actions and also displays a severe lack of compassion.

This child, after being raped, was taken from her home, placed in foster care in an entirely different location because she was then being subjected to death threats. She hadn't suffered enough?

We can sit around and point fingers at the world and discuss how atrocious things are in those communities, but let's look at what we have next door as well.

No matter how you slice this each of these young women were innocent victims. A man does not have the right to molest a child under any circumstance for any reason. Those who victimize children in a group are simply cowards. What they did was just as barbaric as the crime and punishment done to Hena Akhter.

Shame to all of you that blame the children.

They Are Strong

2011-03-14T10:32:00.000-07:00

Many around the world were shocked and cried for the Japanese people who suffered through, not only and 8.5 magnitude earthquake this weekend, but also a torrid tsunami that wrecked devastation across the land.

As one man searched the rubble for his wife, others cried and were felt lost, and even one woman wondered why she was spared another voice stood out that said, "We are strong. We will rebuild."
It is strength and courage of the people that will help to rebuild the nation. It also struck me that other nations will band together to send aid and assistance. People, who may have political or even ethical differences will finally lay them aside to give support, time, supplies, and love in an effort to rebuild and repair. It says a lot.

And though some scars on the land and the people will always remain, and others around the world weep with them, Japan, without a doubt, will rebuild and show Mother Nature that they are indeed a strong people with their own inner force. May they also know they have a world of friends to help pull them up from the rubble and show them human kindness.

A Very Wise Man

2011-03-02T21:48:00.000-08:00

What the superior man seeks is in himself.
What the mean man seeks is in others.
~Confucius~
The Confucian Analects

A very wise man said something that stuck with me today. We were chatting about relationships and I was teasing him about his girlfriend. Then he said, "The secret of keeping your wife happy is not treating her like a wife or a girlfriend."

"Huh." I thought. He's right. When you start dating someone you are interested in you always put your best foot forward. You care about what they think and how they feel. You even strike up a communication with them, something that seems to get lost as relationships grow. After you have been with someone a while you do tend to find yourself feeling comfortable and doing the same things. You even take one another for granted.

If we stopped and thought about the same things we did when we were dating, how would that change our relationships? Personally, I think it would make a world of difference.

Those of us that have children might think it's a bit more difficult to do that. However, if you think about it it's not the planning or the dating that he's talking about. It won't take any more time out of your day. It's an attitude thing. Just change the way you think about the other person. Not as someone that has to stay with you because you are now linked, but as someone that you really enjoy being around and wanting to spend time with.

Now how cool is that? Who would have thought that a single guy that works all day with numbers could be so relationship savvy?

The White Butterfly

2011-02-23T15:35:00.000-08:00

I saw a butterfly of snow

Falling and dancing

With the power of the wind

It couldn’t fly with it’s of frozen wings

It couldn’t love the sky or embrace the sun.

Its form only held a glacial heart.

There was no soaring toward the sun to gather warmth.

It could only fall downward in a spiral

On to the frigid white ground

Where it was lost; and never to be seen again.

--Pasty Dunbar

After the Loving

2011-02-21T21:59:00.000-08:00

The marriage encounter weekend was more than I could have ever imagined. There was so much that I learned and experienced, and I have to admit I did not go with an open mind. I was very skeptical. Even as the first couple started speaking I was wondering what I was doing there. I found out soon enough. I was doing something that I should be doing.

I think what I discovered was a deeper intimacy with my husband. Not sexual intimacy, but emotional intimacy. Suddenly all of the things we went through - any issue no matter how small or how large - just didn't matter. What mattered most was where we were. I realized that it was Brian's idea to go in the first place. He had no qualms about calling and setting things up for us. It really meant a lot to him as well.

Saturday night close to the wee hours of Sunday morning I sat up in bed and listened to my husband snore. It was comforting and it made me smile. With each intake of breath I knew he was alive, and as strange as it was, I knew that he loved me. If I got up from the bed he would stir and ask me if I was okay. How do I know, because he does it all the time. I can move and in his sleep he checks on me. Even in sleep I seem to be on his mind.

Sunday morning as I sat in our small cube on the twin bed we shared, I remembered someone from my past. I could almost see her in the room with me. Her name was Darlene Kellogg. She was an amazing woman and a great friend. She had two children, a boy and a girl. She was the one that sewed a lot of Sarah's clothes as a child - dresses complete with little pinafores, and she even sewed the first wedding dress for my sister, Kim.

Darlene was married to a hard working man, Earl. They seemed so loving and supportive of one another. But one day Darlene told me that Earl working nights was taking a toll on their marriage. They weren't able to spend a lot of time together. This coupled with the fact that Darlene's brother disappeared one night only to find him laying dead in a field several months later only put more of a strain on them, I'm sure.

I don't remember how Darlene and I grew apart. I'm sure it was my fault. I started going to college. I seemed to have lost track of a lot of my friends and neighbors for a while. Of course I was growing further apart from my husband at that time as well. Regardless of the reasons - more like excuses, I think - we lost touch.

Years later I discovered that Darlene had passed away. She and Earl had divorced. I admit I was surprised, but then I realized that everyone was surprised when I had divorced my first husband, Oscar. No one thought we had any problems. They didn't know about my crying at night alone or how we fussed over who was to blame for what petty thing. None of those things matter now, but then they seemed so important. "Little things matter."

Darlene, on this cold and snowy Sunday morning, made a difference in how I saw things. I had let a good friend go and I couldn't even think of a good reason why I would let that happen. I wasn't there for her when she more than likely could have used a good person to lean on. And maybe, just maybe, if she and Earl had given themselves an opportunity to try a weekend of rediscovery of each other they wouldn't have lost each other either. But that wasn't important, because I couldn't change the past.

What is important is I have control over what I do know now. I know that I am deeply in love with my husband. I know that I have some great friends and a wonderful life. I have been blessed and instead of sweating the small stuff I just need to trust that I'm not alone when I face them. I am at peace at this moment with the decisions I have made in my life. I have a renewal in the relationship with my husband and with my family. Life really is good.

So here is a little sappy song with lyrics so you can sing along. Give it a try. :)

Marriage Encounter Weekend

2011-02-18T14:42:00.000-08:00

Hubby and I discussed going to a marriage encounter weekend. It's not because we are having problems, but more like we decided that because we aren't having problems we should go to keep from having them later. Kind of a pre-emptive planning on our part. After all the kids are getting older and will be doing their own thing more and more as time goes on.

The one we are going to this weekend is at the Norbentine Abbey in DePere. It looks like a very nice place. I was told that the Norbentine priests retire there as well and we will be having dinner with them on Saturday and Sunday. Actually, I'm rather looking forward to that. I have no idea why.

They said that we should bring snacks and drinks we like. They provide coffee and hot water. They do not want us drinking alcohol. Not surprising. I can imagine how lovely it would be to have a few drunken couples hanging around trying to discuss how to keep the perk in your marriage. Not a fun time, I'm sure.

I wonder if I should bring along the karaoke machine? I bet no one ever thought of that one! :)

"Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you." ~Jean Rostand, Le Mariage, 1927

Rhymed Sestina

2011-02-16T07:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, my very first sestina is a rhymed one in iambic pentameter. I know this isn't the traditional sestina, but I thought to get the hang of it I'd try something a little more challenging. Honestly I had written one previous to this, but it was sappy and I erased it.

So, here's one that is made to make you smile. It's just goofy.

Vampire Seduction

He said, “Come sit with me upon the bed.”

I look at him and his devilish smile.

If my mom found out I would be quite dead.

She wouldn’t care that I had been beguiled.

His words echoed round the brain in my head.

My body swayed back and forth for a while.

“I will not be quick, this will take a while,”

He said, as he lay prone down on the bed.

Pointed teeth glistened white as he smiled.

Perhaps he will kill me and I’ll be dead

And that is why he can truly beguile -

Shame! Putting such naughty thoughts in my head.

I work to erase wicked thoughts in my head

“Yet what could it hurt to just talk a while?

Oh! How much talking is done on a bed?”

I think, and now he can see my coy smile.

Perhaps it is easy when one is dead,

And they are the one who then beguile.

Never had I been the one to beguile.

What a silly thought to come to my head!

I think I have been standing here a while

As he waits for me to bounce on the bed.

He could melt hearts with those eyes and that smile.

If only he were living and not dead!

Hard to take a boy home who is quite dead

For him to look at your mother to beguile.

Wow, think of the thoughts going through her head!

I might want to put that off for a while.

Or rethink undulating on the bed.

Decline the offer with a simple smile?

And yet I know he wants more than a smile.

Why do vampires need blood when they’re dead?

That is why they truly need to beguile

To get to your neck by fogging your head

And kissing you softly when all the while

You don’t notice you’re dying up on that bed!

I look at him, nod my head, and then smile.

Beguile me, my lover of the dead!

Dead sex on the bed; forget life a while.

Post Valentine's Day

2011-02-15T05:54:00.000-08:00

Things around the house have been crazy.

The idea of having my sister's child with us didn't go as planned. All the expectations we had of moving forward and making a difference went flying out the window. It really is true that you can only help those that truly want to be helped. Some people, even children, seem to think that they way they think and behave is perfectly rational.

If anything good came out of it at all I think it is that she learned to appreciate where she was previously. That her adoptive mother wasn't being mean - she was being caring. When you are on the caring side of things sometimes it feels that people are picking on you. I learned that from experience.

The timing was bad as well. Coming right when I had to have my surgery and take care of things. She was the one that wanted to be the center of things. It's kind of hard to become the center when someone else is needing time to recuperate. Instead of just being able to heal, I had to put a lot of the focus and energy on her, but she didn't want 80% or even 90% - she needed 100% and it just wasn't possible.

The teenager's chest with chicken pox and eczema

Of course then the teenager contracted chicken pox, in spite of his inoculations. That combined with his eczema made him one pretty miserable young man. Then there was the unexpected birth of my first grandson; who is adorable, even if I do say so myself. He ended up in the NICU for about ten days. My daughter showed amazing fortitude during his delivery and through his recuperation. Of course things don't end there. The eleven year old now seems to have contracted something as well. It's like a never ending Winter Battle, but our spirits are still high.

I've given myself a goal now. Last night my husband and I went out for a Valentine's dinner. He didn't buy me chocolates, but he wrote me a poem. I think I got lucky. I don't need a chocolate heart, after all. The poem is wonderful and sentimental. He said something that struck me though. "I was going to write you a sestina, but it turned out to be more of a challenge than I anticipated." In husband talk this means that he didn't have enough time to whip one out. It would take a lot more concentration and time than he can actually put toward it.

His idea of writing is answering blogs. He can spend hours reading them and answering them for people. It's become a topic of ribbing by the boys to him. He even does it now on his Blackberry as we grocery shop. I'm waiting for the day that he looks up from his reading and discovers that we've all left him there.

However, now the idea of a sestina intrigues me. They can rhyme or not rhyme. They can be in iambic pentameter (the older ones were) or not. Each new rule you put to it will not only change the dynamics, but will make the writing more difficult.

Tomorrow I will post my first sestina. Hopefully it will be more inspiring then just a bunch of words that fit a form. I also want to get back to painting - go back to the gym - write more - and generally just take back my creative side of life that has been shelved with illnesses and recuperations.

So, let's get started.

More Random Rantings... :)

2010-11-17T20:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, I haven't written in a while. It's been hard with the surgery and having both knees replaced. Recovery takes a long time...and I have to adjust to bionic knees now. But it is far less painful now than it was before I had my surgery. I am looking forward to recovery.
To the anonymous woman that was in the hospital with me and only had one knee done and was screaming - Woman! Get up!!!! Laying in bed only prolongs the agony.

Okay, now I've been watching Dancing with the Stars. I seriously love watching Bristol Palin dance. She isn't a professional singer, dancer, or actor. It is amazing watching someone that has no previous show biz experience learning how to dance and watch her progress. Now, for those of you that argue that she's not a "celebrity" think again. This is the same girl that everyone wanted to hear about when her mother was running for Vice President. You guys put her on the front page of the newspaper because she was pregnant and 17. Congratulations. You have created a celebrity. She is as much a celebrity as Kate Gosselin (but with a hell of a lot more talent). If someone mentions a name and everyone knows it.... they are a celebrity. Deal with it.

It's a shame that people think she's only winning because of her mother. If that were the case, people, her mother would have won in the last election. Her mother isn't that popular, come on. People love her because she's entertaining and she's not a pro acting like she's learning to dance. As for the conspiracy that the "Tea Baggers" are running the phone lines to keep her on all if have to say is - "Seriously?" Now that has to be the funniest thing I've heard. You really think that these guys care enough to want Bristol Palin win something that has no political affiliation? For what possible reason?

Personally, I was sad to see Rick Fox voted off. He was really handsome and he could move for a tall man, I have to say. But this season seems to be geared toward the ladies winning, I think. Although, Disney's Kyle is still in there. Now he's the other underdog. Maybe the Democrats are keeping him in, huh? Yeah. I can see that... lol.

Just stuff

2010-10-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I go in the hospital for complete knee replacements in both knees. I've heard people say I'm crazy for "letting" them do that. I actually asked for them to do that. I figure one time in the hospital for both knees would be better considering both knees are equally bad. I have been in a lot of pain. Why would I just want one to feel better and then go back and do it again? Okay, so it is going to take a longer time to recover. I can deal with that. It's all gravy, baby.

I have also seen something I should have realized before.

If someone is living in the past, it stands to reason they harbor a lot of resentment and anger from before. It serves no purpose and yet they coddle it and cling to it like some long lost friend.

The truth is no one can go back and change things. It's done. Some people can and may apologize and you can forgive them or not. Some people that you blame had nothing to do with things, they were as much victim as you were. What you are doing is transferring your anger to something tangible and still around. Why? Probably because you have to have something to hang on to from the past so you can internally justify your anger. However, truth be told, all it is doing is eating you alive and keeping you from having a happy and productive life.

For that, you have no one to blame but yourself.

But looking to the future, when I will be able to walk or stand for more than ten minutes, I will have a new grandson. We don't know his name yet, but I'm convinced he is going to be born with a great sense of humor. This is a good thing. He is going to need it. Lucky for him, he's got a lot of love waiting for him when he finally comes out of his mommy.

My daughter was told by some people that she's crazy doing a home birth and for thinking about using cloth diapers. Seriously people?

When was it "unnatural" to do a "natural" childbirth. It's not that it's a bad idea or crazy. Please. When did we start becoming a society where drugs were the norm for what was originally done for centuries without them? I think people that criticize having a baby without drugs might need to stand back and consider what they are saying.

As for cloth diapers - they ain't like they used to be. But even if they were, bravo for her deciding to do something that doesn't add to the mounting landfill of garbage we have in the country. At least one person is looking at economy and benefit over ease and excessive cost.

I'm sure there are some that don't think it's good for her to breast feed either. What could be more beneficial than mother's milk? I've heard people complaining about breast feeding mothers. Others that didn't do it making the excuse that it hurt. Get over it. Again, this is natural, saves money, and is better for the baby. Yes, it hurts for a while, but that pain goes away. Sometimes we have to think about something other than ourselves and our comfort.

This is real life. If you really want drama, turn on the Soap Channel. Some of us are just here to live, love, and be happy.

Today I am sad

2010-09-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

It is the people that you love most in the world that can actually hurt you. It's not that you expect them to hurt you or want them to hurt you, it's just that because you let them at your heart and they have access to it they have that ability. You don't want them to or expect them to either. This is where trust comes into play.

No one is a perfect person. We all have flaws and we all make mistakes. It is when the mistakes you made and the flaws you have embarrass you enough that you have to turn them onto someone else that shows you don't plan on correcting them. You merely justify them instead. This means, most of the time, that you have no remorse and you plan on making the same mistakes over and over again. Instead of owning to mistakes on one's life and twisting them to suit a tale more awarding to yourself shows that you are destined to repeat the faux pas of the past. Isn't it better to move forward?

My life has not ever been an easy one. I was abandoned by a father I never knew. Suffered at the hands of abusive people. I lost my natural mother as a child. My first sexual experience was rape. My first "true love" abandoned me. The list goes on.

But in spite of the negatives in my life I would prefer to focus on the positive. I graduated from high school and the university. I have beautiful children whom I adore. I am in love with my husband. I have a nice home with pets I was never allowed to have as a child. I have family, including a step-mother who has taken me in like a birth mother, who share my life with me. I have friends-real friends, not fly by night friends.

There are times that I have felt broken. Thinking back the reason that I was in that position was about the people that I love and the hurt they could inflict. Some people may thing that giving up on love would be the safer bet. Keep the heart locked up and sealed tight. I disagree.

Perhaps it is easier to lock it up and save yourself from the lies the people that love you tell. They have their own reasons for doing so. You could block them and push them from you, but because you love them you just draw them closer. Why? Because maybe the lies they tell are really something else. Sometimes, yes, they are just being vicious and are undeserving. Most of the time, however, it's because they don't like themselves and they feel unworthy. In the case of one particular person I know, they changed history because their history was just too much for them to handle.

Still, it really does hurt and make you sad when someone you care about lies about you or twists things around to make them seem more favorable. It makes you wonder if they really care about you. I think this is what makes you sad. Thinking that someone you open yourself up to really hasn't opened themselves up to you in return. Then there is also the thought of why would they want to lie about or to someone they really care about?

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Turning the Corner

2010-08-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the doctor and received my okay for the surgery on September 20 to get both of my knees replaced. The first thing that you hear is that there will be a lot of pain post surgery, but the next thing everyone says is that I will be so happy to have it done. I will feel like I have my life back. So, here is to a new corner coming up in my life. I raise my glass to the new adventure that awaits me.

This year isn't over yet, but there have been some very bitter and sweet moments. Life is that way. We have good and bad times, sometimes the bad outweigh the good and sometimes it's about even, or you feel ahead of the game. Whichever it is, life continues and blind corners await decisions that we make. The turn may take us down a newly paves street, a rocky forgotten road, or maybe it ends in a field of crops that need to be taken care of. Whatever we find, it's ours.

No one ever promised that life was easy; it's not. But life is worth continuing on for because we will always have new experiences.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”

Chuck Swindoll

Some people are clueless

2010-08-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.

~Dorothy Parker

A woman who has met me once has decided that she knows all about me and has the right to make judgments. Most of her information came from two teenagers, one belonging to her, who have both admitted that they lied and exaggerated issues because they were upset they weren't getting their way. Of course to me, in a facebook message instead of direct communication, she insulted me regarding her child and how my decisions with mine affect their life. For instance, I should not call my child home for lying to me and not having done her chores. I should wait until she is finished doing whatever fun activities her child has planned because it's not fair for her child to be affected that way.
There is a weird logic in that. It is true that calling my child home for lying and not having her chores done does affect the plans they made with her child if she gets into trouble. However, allowing a child to get away with lying and not doing what they were specifically told to do is not a good example to set. If you lived by that rule your child would make sure they were always making plans with someone else. The rule is simple, you can go when your chores are done. How we discipline is really not of the concern of this other parent, nor is the way she disciplines in her home our concern.
In my home all the children have chores, even the ten year old. The funny thing is that none of the teenagers actually do their chores the way they are supposed to. The ten year old is the only one that voluntarily seems to do them. Each child is given an opportunity to have an allowance if their room is clean on payday. The only child that has actually managed to get his allowance is again, you guessed it, the ten year old. My 15 year old has been cleaning his room for months. If you listened to him you'd think that the items in his room were possessed because they somehow manage to make their way back down to the floor and it never looks any differently than before he started cleaning.
According to this woman we used our daughter as a Cinderella. We don't love her and we abuse her. Now these are horrible allegations from a woman that has never stepped one foot into our home nor ever taken ten minutes out of her time to actually speak with me. She lied to me one time to get our daughter off restriction because her son wanted to see her. I found out it was a lie, after saying we could make arrangements, and confronted her about lying to me. Since that day this woman has hated me. Evidently lying is okay in her book, and you never confront the person that lies to you. I never have worked that way.
The truth, according to my daughter, is that this same woman hates her. She calls her names such as "fat ass." She has insulted our family by calling us names. She has told my daughter that she's not good enough for her son. My daughter has come home from their home crying numerous times. After being in their home she yells at people and uses language that she knows is inappropriate, even in Wal-Mart, for which we have had to call her on. Her son has called her names, has allowed his friends to call her names. Being there makes her feel less about herself. So, we compromised. We told her that she was allowed to see the boy but was not allowed in his house. They could meet in other places where it was neutral territory such as the mall, go out to dinner, take some time to walk in the park, or even watch a movie.
Of course this was short lived, and again they lied. They went back to his home, which became evident, and the incidents started all over again. Verbal tirades over the phone in our home with screaming and cussing and crying.
There is only so much you can do as a parent. When a child gets to be within a couple of months of being 18 your hands become more tied. They make decisions that you don't agree with and that you can see are hurting them more and more. It breaks your heart. No parent wants to watch their child self-destruct.
The other mother says that I don't love my daughter. That is the farthest thing from the truth that she has ever said. I love my daughter enough to want to give her another chance to put things right in her life. I love my daughter enough to present her with opportunities to get away from vile and contemptuous statements made by ignorant people that prefer to say hateful things about her and then pretend they care.
Has our relationship with our daughter been tumultuous? Absolutely. We spent over a year in therapy. She was taken out of our home by the state because she was considered a danger to the younger children. She had things happen to her by her biological family that no child should have had to endure. She lashed out in ways that were very hard for anyone to take. She fell into bad habits that seemed impossible to break. We stuck it out through the years never giving up. She knows, because of this, that she is loved. She's told me so, that she pushed and pushed to make sure she was loved. It was never easy for any of us.
In the long run what a friend offered is to help give her a new opportunity to get out of the rut she has put herself in. To discover a place without a history or with people that know all the things that she's done. Somewhere she doesn't feel she's in competition and will feel needed.
According to this other woman, who either makes up things in her head or prefers lies over discovering the truth, our daughter is being "forced against her will" to go. However, an "anonymous" phone call to the police saying such things as we were abusing her and she was being shipped off against her will proved otherwise. The police, after speaking with our daughter, determined that she needed to get away from her situation with her boyfriend and never look back. He determined she was indeed in an abusive situation - with the boyfriend - and that a fresh start was just what she needed.
In the end, I could care less what this woman believes or feels. She has her own issues in her family including problems with her own children. I'm sure those take their own toll on her as well.
My concern is over my own child who has been through enough for two lifetimes. Did she lie to these people? Probably. Why would she lie? Because she wanted them to like her. Did it work? No. The boy I think genuinely cares for her though; he just had problems with knowing how to show it sometimes.
Bottom line is this - I am not perfect. I do not have all the answers. I make mistakes. But in the long run I will do whatever it takes to do what is best for my family and I will not be bullied by some clueless woman into thinking that I am a bad person and doing the wrong thing. I have great kids that are intelligent and have a lot of love in their hearts. We must have done something right.

Where does the time go?

2010-08-09T13:33:00.000-07:00

In a month he will be 16. He has his first official girlfriend. He is driving a car. He is now taller than I am. Where did the time go?
Has it really been that long since I held him under my chin soothing him?
Is this the same little boy that told me he never wanted to grow up?
Today we were talking about college and the possibility of him applying to the Coast Guard Academy.
Last year he was asking me if he could ride his bicycle around the block.
Saturday he asked me for money so he could go on a date.
I remember crying when he walked away so easily in his kindergarten class ready to explore new things with new people.
It won't be much longer he goes off to explore a new world and see what awaits him for his future.
I may never be ready, but he definitely is moving in that direction.
One thing I can say is he has always been an excellent son. There is no doubt he will be an equally excellent man.

Everyone Comes from Somewhere

2010-08-06T20:24:00.000-07:00

Everyone comes from somewhere, but sometimes we forget.
We forget about the one that brought us into the world.
We forget about the first friend we ever made.
We forget about the first time our heart was broken.
We forget about the words of wisdom our father spoke.
We forget about the promises we made to our lovers.
We forget about the pain we felt that once made us cry.
We forget to do the things that are good for us,
   because bad feels so good.
We forget that sometimes it is better to just slow down.
We forget that our actions may affect the lives of others.
But most importantly
We seem to forget that life here is temporary,
   and the things we remember
   are the things memories are made from.

Reflections

2010-08-05T15:34:00.000-07:00

And in the twilight of our live we look to find the way

To tell us if the path we chose was the best and finest paved.

And when the darkness comes we see the twinkling of the stars.

We know that our journey here was short, and yet still very far.

But life is full of puzzles, enigmas, and mazes of human thought,

Yet the beauty of the life we've led was paid for with the tears of hope we brought.

Pasty Dunbar

Confessions of an Evony Addict

2010-07-08T06:57:00.000-07:00

I started playing Evony II, not because of the busty women that were trying to entice players via cleavage, (I have enough of my own, thanks). It wasn't because I had too much time to kill during the day. Taking care of four children, a husband, and a house full of critters keeps a person pretty busy. It wasn't because I needed a game to play, I was already invested in some zoo game and was collecting animals. Looking back I have no idea what made me click that facebook button to start. Fate maybe?
The first day I played I started on server na13. I joined an alliance, the first one that I came to. I had no idea what I was doing and to this day I don't know why they accepted me. I certainly didn't fit their criteria for membership, having no prestige points. I just kind of slipped through the cracks. Then something amazing happened. I started chatting with people and I like them.
I have never been a chatter. I never went to chat rooms to find people. I had friends and family and have felt very fulfilled with my life. Looking back starting up conversations with random people wasn't my cup of tea. Yet here I was in the middle of a game I had never had any intention of playing and doing something I had never had an interest in doing. I found I loved being in the alliance and helping work with others to accomplish absolutely nothing worth accomplishing. It's a game, but I was having fun. These people were funny and full of life. They were real to me.
You've heard the old adage that "all good things must come to an end?" My life on na13 did as well. Some of us thought of it as a game, but I learned that others thought of it as their life. It's quite sad, really. One person in particular decide that he was the Tyrant of Evony. He was technically in charge of the alliance. Long story short he kind of broke us up and I ended up telling him off via mail. I killed off my cities there and was ready to leave.
One of my new found friends talked me into going to another server. We were going to start again. It wasn't the game as much as it was that we liked talking to one another. A third person followed. He told the others where we were and more came and joined us in our new home on na15. We made it an adult alliance due to the R rated conversations we have.
I have to admit that our conversations are entertaining. We share our lives and adventures with each other. We share dirty jokes, bad jokes, and jabs. We care about what happens to each other. We shared our facebook pages with one another.
It's about the people. Yes, we play the game, but we found a place where most of us feel the same way about life. We support one another and we honestly care. Plus, we get to band together to kick butt. It's perfect.
I know that gaming is the problem in many relationships. I do not condone someone spending their lives playing a game and ignoring their families or responsibilities. Chatting should never be a substitute for one on one conversations. But for me these people I have met on Evony are my friends. They are people I would happily go and meet and have to my home.
Hello. My name is Pasty. I admit I am an Evony addict, but it's not the game I'm addicted to. It's the people.

Jealousy

2010-07-01T23:20:00.000-07:00

We have two girls living in the house... one 17 an the other 15. At first it was like two cats that meet in an alley and want to prove the other is bigger and badder. Then they started hanging around and sharing things. That lasted for about three seconds. Then they are back to bickering and seeing which can trump the other in a verbal battle.
On the parental side we can't win. If you say one thing to one the other thinks you don't love her. If you don't say anything at all they don't feel you are standing up for them.
It's almost like a competition, only I'm not sure where the finish line is and what the prize is at the end of their race.
But one did ask me tonight, "When do we start therapy?"

Condom for Women to Prevent Rape

2010-06-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

A doctor in South Africa has come up with an amazing way to help women in the country to keep from being raped quite as often, hopefully. The condom is inserted like a tampon and has little teeth that attach to the rapist's member. He must have the condom surgically removed. Rape Axe was was Dr. Ehlers idea after assisting a rape victim who had said she wished that she had teeth down there.
In my opinion the concept is genius. My only concern is that now when a man rapes a woman in South Africa that is trying to protect herself from rape, disease, and humiliation will she live after his anger and humiliation are inflamed? Hopefully it will shock him and hurt him enough that she will be able to escape. Regardless, this is an ingenious invention and Dr. Ehlers gets kudos in my book.

I Always Knew I Was Different

2010-05-15T09:48:00.001-07:00

My husband always asks me where I come from. Now we just might know the answer.

Your result for Are You Part Space Alien? Test...

“The US Airforce assures me that UFO’s pose no threat to National Security..” –President John F Kennedy

You scored 96% Alien Hybrid.
If your score is above 50% you more than likely have an ancestor that is an alien. The higher the score the stronger your connection is to your alien family. For many of you this explains so much.
You scored 4% Human.
If your score for being human is higher than your score as a hybrid then you have no fears ... except for possibly being taken over by the aliens that are invading the planet. Good luck.
You scored 100% possibility of having been an alien abductee.
If you scored 30% or more it is very possible that you have not only been visited by aliens you have also unwittingly joined them on their space ship and were used as a human guinea pig. If your score for abduction is higher than your score for being an alien hybrid, chances are that you have been injected with alien DNA in an experiment. Lucky you!
You scored 70% possible Indigo Child.
If you scored 90% or more on this section you may want to explore the possibility of being an Indigo Child. This does not mean that you are an alien hybrid. According to the people who help and study these types of people it is merely a new evolution of new human beings that are evolving in order to help save the planet and protect our species. Move forward, Obi Wan, you're our only hope.

Take Are You Part Space Alien? Test at HelloQuizzy

This is the US not Mexico

2010-05-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

I understand that Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican holiday. I also understand that many Mexican Americans observe the holiday here in the United States, but for anyone to take offense to the five students at Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill, California is nothing short of ludicrous. These five young men, sporting their patriotism for the US, were asked to either remove their shirts, turn them inside out, go home, or be suspended. However, the more than 100 students that were wearing depictions and colors of the Mexican Flag (red, white, and green) were not reprimanded.

One of the boys in questions is 1/2 Mexican. The boys were not causing problems, they were not instigating fights. On the contrary, other students, Mexican students to be precise, had approached them and had told them they were offended by their attire. These boys never said a word to the more than 100 students sporting patriotism for Mexico even though they were attending a US school.

Now I am not adverse to Mexicans nor do I have problems with Mexico as a country. I have taught at a Dallas high school where over 90% of the student population were from Mexico. I love the culture. When one of the students was having problems in her home she came to live with us for several months so she could finish school. However, I am extremely adverse to making American students feel as if supporting their country is wrong. I don't care what day of the year it is.

I also noted an absence of this particular story on CNN. Every other news site seemed to have it listed. CNN has been putting out sob stories of fear in Arizona over the new immigration law. They even posted a story about Cinco De Mayo in Arizona and how the new law, which isn't even being implemented at this time and doesn't go into effect for another month, has scared people into not celebrating this Mexican holiday. Forgive me if I laugh at this.

Perhaps CNN is not aware that Cinco de Mayo is about victory of a Mexican battle over the French forces in 1862. It actually has limited significance in Mexico and isn't widely celebrated. The major holiday of Mexico is in September and is called "Grito de Doleres." So, so much for the major significance of the holiday. It would be like the US creating a holiday for defeating the British in the Battle of the Chesapeake.

Why don't we have a holiday for this on September 5?

It is one thing to respect the rights and ideas of immigrants in this country, but is an entirely different matter when we impose the lifestyles and holidays of another country on US students that have no interest in participating. Students at this school were taken from learning to being entertained by Mexican dancers and Mexican bands.

I know in Neenah High School they have diversity clubs. We take the time to learn about other cultures and celebrations in foreign language classes and through classes such as World History and Humanities. No one is saying that immigrants to this country should not be proud of their heritage, but they should also respect that they are celebrating in the United States and not in their country. Their national pride does not and should not override our own.

Arizona Gets Tough on Immigration

2010-04-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

On the heels of an ICE raid last week Arizona legislatures working to pass legislation that will allow the state to determine the eligibility of a person to be in the State, verify a claim of legal residency, confirm the identity of a person, and determine if the person is in compliance with Federal immigration laws.

Obama says the legislation "threatens to undermine basic notions of fairness that we treasure as Americans."

Arizona Senator Russell Pearce states that "illegal is not a race it's a crime."

Representative John Kavanagh says "70% of likely voters in Arizona support this law and I suspect that across the country the figures are similar." He also is confident that the governor will sign the bill as she is a strong supporter of the needs of immigration.

Definition of illegal immigrant: (noun) a foreigner who has entered or resides in a country unlawfully or without the country's authorization.

Just in case there is any doubt the definition of unlawful is: (adjective) not lawful; contrary to law; illegal.

In an interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper Kavanagh continues to say that "People are fed up with the lack of any enforcement of illegal immigration by the federal government. We have no choice but to fill the void that they've created."

While it is believed by critics of the bill that this will foster racial profiling supporters believe that it gives power back to the legal citizens of the United States and fosters the idea that America is still a land of opportunity but that opportunity is best found by following the proper channels to enter the country.

Although this legislation is making many Latino's fume with ideas of discrimination I have to believe that they must also understand that Arizona is not simply going after Latinos. This law does not profile one race over another nor one culture over another. It provides protection of the citizens and puts power in the hands of the police.

Arizona is more likely, due to it's geographical location, to have more illegals coming in from Mexico that are of Latin American origin, but the law is for all illegals and not just Hispanics.

With the federal government clicking their heels on what to do about the US immigration problems it is no wonder that states like Arizona are starting to take a stand with immigration problems. Sure there are a few kinks that will have to be ironed out of the wording, but the legislation is a start for people to see that many American's are fed up with immigration excuses and want some true law enforcement.

Troubles with Adopted Children - Is there hope?

2010-04-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

On the heels of the TN woman, Torry Hansen, who sent her 7 year old adopted son back to Russia causing international upset between our two countries one has to wonder is the problem with the parent or the child. The woman sent the boy unattended on a jet with a backpack of cookies and energy drinks. In my opinion it's a bit of both. The boy, however, had suffered a history of abuse in his native country. The woman was aware of his background, but she claims she was unaware of the severity of his problems. She also, according to reports, did not enroll the child for public or home school. The true victim here is the child.

Of course Hansen is not the first adoptive parent that has raised the eyebrows of the adoption of foreign children in the US. In 2008 an adoptive father left his 21 month old baby in the backseat of his car at work; Peggy Sue Hilt beat her 2 year old adopted Russian daughter to death in 2006; Denis Merryman dies at age 8 after being adopted and starved to death. The list goes on with more than a dozen horrifying deaths of adoptive children solely from Russia.

I know from experience that adopted children can be quite challenging. I was an adopted child myself. When you feel as if no one wants you it can cause some psychological harm. A child cannot comprehend why no one would want them. The fact that someone cares enough to adopt you just doesn't calculate easily. When you add children that suffer from other problems such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome an entire new problem surfaces on top of what is already present.

The Deep Spring Ranch for Kids in Eureka, Montana is one place that has been established to help families that have difficulties with adopted children, mainly from Russia, to cope better and to receive the mental and moral help they need to survive in a familial environment. CNN's Gary Tuchman does a wonderful and touching job bringing a story of a families struggle with a troubled young man they adopted as a toddler. This family chose to help the child and unite their family instead of giving up and sending the child back. They are simply amazing and inspiring.

Sometimes it's the tough choices that cause us the most difficulties that are the right choices. Parenting is not a part-time job.

Good News Wisconsin - An Import Beer with a Kick is On It's Way!

2010-04-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

No one enjoys beer more than the people of Wisconsin. At least that is what I thought until I started listening and watching the videos of the hot Scottish men (with equally hot accents) who are unafraid to don a penguin suit (or nothing at all) to promote their new beer that has a 32% alcohol rate. According to Time the beer is on the way to the US.

The beer's website tells us : "A warning label on the Tactical Nuclear Penguin bottle does state: 'This is an extremely strong beer; it should be enjoyed in small servings and with an air of aristocratic nonchalance. It is exactly the same manner you would enjoy a fine whisky, a Frank Zappa album or a visit from a friendly yet anxious ghost.'"

Tactical Nuclear Penguin from BrewDog on Vimeo.

So, with an alcohol content like that is it a beer or a liquor? If you drink enough you won't care.

What's Wrong With Kids Today? - Parents

2010-04-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

We had a serious dilemma in my home a few years ago. We had a child that was so emotionally hurt that she started acting out in a horrible way. She hurt people physically and mentally. She started shoplifting because she just wanted the things she saw. She didn't care about repercussions. She didn't respond to therapy. She didn't respond to punishment. She didn't respond to positive reinforcement.

She tried to burn down the house. We were at our wits end to find out what to do. Our home life was basically hell and our younger children were afraid, and rightfully so.

I had called the school. No help. I called the police. They were supportive, but they couldn't do a lot. It finally got out how serious things had become when she attempted serious physical bodily harm on one of the children. The school liaison officer stepped in and was extremely understanding and supportive.

It broke my heart to see her taken in a police car and placed in a facility. My dilemma was I was torn as a parent watching my child go somewhere other than home, but I had two other children at home that needed to feel safe as well. This was the hardest time in my life as a parent.

She needed help and she wasn't getting it at home. I didn't go to the police to get out of my parenting duty, I went to get her help because I honestly love her. It's the same reason why, when she got out of the group home a year and half later, I had the store call the police and walked away when she was caught shop lifting. I wanted her to know that she wasn't going to be able to go back to her old habits. I loved her but I wasn't going to allow her to sabotage herself.

I did get horrible looks from the store personnel. I don't think they expected a parent to react that way to less than $5 worth of merchandise. But I informed them that I wanted her punished now while she was still a minor instead of when she was 21 doing the same things and her punishment would be much sterner and on her permanent record.

We did end up discovering what her major problem was that she was harboring. The lack of support from her biological mother also influenced her. She has made major breakthroughs in her life and relationships since letting go of things. She's become more of a loving and caring young woman. She still has a little way to go, but don't we all?

Being a parent is tough. We have to make choices every day when it comes to our children. There are no guarantees that what we do are right, but we have to trust and do what we know will be best in the long run. That's why it's so hard for parents that are more interested in being popular with their kids and are afraid of their children hating them.

Of course there are parents out there who probably should never have become parents to begin with. They are so caught up in their own lives they don't parent at all. These children are neglected and have no idea, for the most part, how to relate to other people. It's sad, but it's part of our society. There are parents that do nothing or little to nothing for their children and then there are those that do way too much.

I've been watching the news reports on Phoebe Prince who was "bullied to death" from classmates in her high school in Massachusetts. It's tragic. Six students tormented this beautiful young lady until she took her own life. Why? Jealousy perhaps. It doesn't matter. In the long run what matters is that someone dropped the ball here long before the bullying started. Because the kids in question should have never started bullying to begin with. They should have been secure enough in themselves that those types of actions weren't a consideration. It's very hard for me to believe that no adult knew what was happening here. Ignorance isn't bliss; it's advocating bad behavior.

I remember walking through my daughter's school a few years ago to retrieve some books from her locker. One of the sports teams was running the hallways. At the end of the pack was a boy that was having problems keeping up. He was trying, but he just didn't have as much stamina as some of the other guys. Instead of encouraging their team mate, however, I hear "why don't you just stay here. You're worthless and slow. You can just follow us in on our last leg and tell the coach you ran the whole thing." The boy kept up at his slow pace determined to finish, I imagine. But I saw his face and it hurt me. I yelled down the hallway to the team, "Wow! Way to support your team mate guys!"

I've heard the adage "kids are cruel." It's true. But where do they learn it? From the rest of us. When we let it pass and accept it we are actually condoning it. When we call our children names inside the home we are teaching them to call others names outside the home. When we allow siblings to call each other names like "stupid" or "fatty" by ignoring it and letting it pass we are condoning it.

Parenting is a full time job. A lot of parents have to work and rely on day cares or babysitters to help them. That's fine. We have little to no control of what is happening with children when they are out of our sight. But we should make a genuine effort to spend quality time with our children when we have home time even when we are dog tired.

I remember speaking with parents when I was teaching middle school. One of the most common responses I received from parents was, "I don't have time to spend them." I asked, "Do you watch television during the week?" "Do you have time to read the paper?" "Do you spend time talking to your friends on the phone?" "Do you spend time on the computer?" Of course they do, but they call this their own down time.

I'm not saying that parents don't have the right to some personal time. I am saying that when we give birth to children or make a choice to raise a child we have taken on a full time obligation. We are the number one teachers of our children. We need to make sure that we make time. We have to sacrifice.

Somewhere we have to stop and understand that we are parents to our children not friends. It doesn't mean we can't be friendly, but we can't just let things pass. Guilt parenting is not good parenting. Children of all ages need structure. If your teenager is angry with you for enforcing a curfew of 11 or 12 that's a good thing. Let them be angry. Let them know that not everything in their life is going to be exactly how they want it.

Here are some hints for teenage parenting:

1. Make consequences clear.
2. Never back down from what you say. Enforce your rights as a parent.
3. Make time to actually talk to your kids, even if it seems they are talking to you under duress. It shows you care.
4. When they disobey and you are giving them chores or consequences in return put it in writing. Write down exactly what happened and what they have to do to get off of restrictions. Also put on the sheet what happens if they don't follow the guidelines to get off restriction. Make them repeat it to you or read it to you aloud. Then make them sign it and date it. Put it in plain sight.
5. Never assume that your child is always telling you the truth. Investigate. Sometimes our children aren't lying but are omitting certain facts that might actually put what is going on in a different light. My daughter has come home accusing a teacher of saying certain things and upon investigation I found that what she said was not really true but that she had twisted the words. Why? Because she had a bad grade for not completing an assignment and didn't want us to be angry.
6. Make your child accountable. If they do something wrong make them fix it and don't make excuses or allow excuses.
7. Spend time with your teenager. Even lame time is better than no time. I remember crying and thinking my daughter hated me. It's not true. She loves me. I love her too. Sometimes it just takes time for it to come out.
8. Don't just give your children things. Presents are fine, but making them have to work for something makes them actually appreciate it.
9. Don't beat yourself up when things go wrong. Sometimes things just happen no matter how much we do right. We have to stop and remember that after a certain point our children are older and have to make their own choices. We just need to sit back and be there to support them. It's a learning process for them too.

I don't have all the answers. I don't even think that Dr. Phil has all the answers. Not all kids are the same so not all the punishments will be the same. I have three minors left at home and each of them are treated differently because what works with one won't work with the other. They are individuals.

What does work with each of them? Loving them equally. That's the best I can do.

Court Ruling Against Marine Family is a Travesty of Justice

2010-04-01T07:22:00.000-07:00

I totally agree with John Ellsworth regarding the judgement against the Snyder family in favor of the self-proclaimed Westboro Baptist Church.

In my opinion the federal appeals court is out of their mind. How in the world can you say that what this church is doing is freedom of speech when it is so clearly defamation of character? They are not expressing opinion as much as they are insulting and characterizing to deliberately hurt and incite. They are deliberately twisting their first amendment rights to insult people and the judgement of the court is allowing them to profit from it.

These people (led by their self-proclaimed prophet Fred Phelps) created a "church." This congregation of less than 100, and over 80% being family members, decided to create their own form of religion. That is their right. They decided to proclaim themselves as Baptists. Again, they have that right. They want to proclaim their message. Okay, that's fine as well. Yet for some reason instead of just taking their message to the airways, using the newspapers to post ads and editorials, or going door to door to hand out pamphlets they have decided that attending funerals with degrading signs regarding the dead is most appropriate. Of course, what can you expect from people who's religious website is called www.godhatesfags.com? It becomes obvious that they are a group of people that find life value in hate. They are raising children to believe in hate as a form of redemption. They use their children in their demonstrations and drag them around the country to places that have had tragedies, such as the shooting at Virginia Tech, to revel in the loss of lives and the misery of the families.

I spent yesterday watching videos of the self-proclaimed prophet, his daughter, and his grand children as they happily spoke about how God hates America, God hates the world, and how we are all destined to "eat our babies." I find them to be intolerant fanatics who manage to twist the Bible.

First, a funeral is not a place where people should be allowed to picket. It is not an appropriate place to hold demonstrations. Families have lost loved ones and are mourning. It takes people of the lowest of the low moral rating to use this as a vantage point to spout their opinions. It's like walking into a mass or church service and deciding to start yelling out obscenities because you don't agree with the religion. Funerals are quiet sacred times for families to say goodbye. They are not public or political events.

Secondly, erroneously accusing a young soldier of being a "fag" because he serves in the military to protect his country and calling him names is not an example of free speech. Degrading his family for his upbringing is not an example of free speech. These are examples of defaming. The family is a victim of defamation of character as defined: "Defamation or "defamation of character" is spoken or written words that falsely and negatively reflect on a living person's reputation." The young hero in question was publicly slandered as were his parents.

Third, this group continued to slander and defame our country, our heroes, our families, our people. They do this with the idea that it's okay because they are protected by the first amendment right of free speech. Did the federal court forget that this right is not absolute in any country in the world? It usually does not encompass the concept of "hate speech." The Universal Declaration of Human Rights even recognizes that it is more a freedom of expression and the right to harbor any thoughts. No where does it say that you should indiscriminately be allowed to harass, defame, or incite hate.

And then there is the fact that this group of people hates America and people in general. Do they really have the right to use a constitution they don't believe in to help them gain momentum to preach hatred and intolerance? It would have been one thing to reverse the original judgement that the family won and reduce their payment or say they do not receive damages from the church. It's an entirely different thing to make them pay over $16,000 to the church for taking them to court. The church put themselves in the spotlight and opened themselves up to a lawsuit. Let them assume their own responsibilities for their actions.

This link will take you to the page that tells the story of a brave young man whose family has gone through hell because of what I believe is a false, irreverent, and intolerant religious sect. Take some time and help show that Americans stand by our soldiers. We do not tolerate hate and injustice. We love all people regardless of their sexual orientations, religious beliefs, or color. Plus, most all of us have a God or Goddess or Prophet filled with love, understanding, and tolerance. We know we were not made perfect, but we also know that our imperfections make us able to grow and learn.

My condolences go out to this young marine's family. My thanks go to him for the ultimate sacrifice he made for me and my country. Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder is a hero and it is my ultimate hope that his family will no longer be victimized by misguided zealots.

In Memory ....

2010-03-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

Yes. I put off writing this last post on my trip to New York City. It isn't because I didn't know what to say but because what I saw there hit me so profoundly.
Coming back from the Statue of Liberty, which is much smaller than I expected, I saw this piece of art. I was mesmerized by it because it looked so damaged. I couldn't imagine why someone would make something so massive and deliberately try to destroy it. Then I saw the plaque which explained what it was exactly. I'll share those pictures here with you.
While Brenda spent time getting a character portrait done I walked around the statue inspecting every piece of it. This piece had stood outside the World Trade Center for years. The damage that you see came from the attack where thousands lost their lives, including the children in the daycare center. The magnitude of it hit me as I looked it over. Tears started coming from my eyes as I felt for the families that must look at this and know how horrendous and forceful the attack against their loved ones had been. It also serves as a reminder to those that survived at the miracle of being able to withstand something that was able to bend and blast steel. Yet this piece remains as a constant reminder in the city. An eternal flame has been ignited to serve as a light for those who were lost.

The fact that it still stands spoke volumes to me. Even after an attack the statue stands proud. It was not torn apart for scrap or crippled enough where it could not sit upright. It speaks to us about being able to continue after adversity and remember who and what we are. We may have been attacked but we were able to continue and prosper. We lost many but we stood together in sorrow and faced our fears as a whole. We did not forget or hide it under the rug but allow it to remain in our hearts. We may be scarred but we are not damaged beyond repair.

Near here you will find the other statue that is supposed to represent those people that came to this country to seek refuge. As they entered they were able to see the lady holding the light that led them to a land of opportunity. To me it looks as if it is a group of people suffering and I do not see any type of joy in the work. As it faces toward "The Sphere," for me, it was as if they were crying and lamenting for those that were lost as well.

The one thing I know for certain is that I shall never forget. I hope no one else does either, because if they do they open themselves up to more heart ache and may begin to forget what this country has stood for since our independence.

My Day In NYC - Part II China Town and Little Italy

2010-03-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

The awesome thing about NYC and going to Chinatown is that when you walk up from the subway onto Canal Street and you're there. It's so easy.
The first thing that happened when we entered the street was a very nice old Chinese lady that I thought had to be confused. She was talking to me in Chinese and I was saying to her, "I'm sorry, I don't understand." Evidently in her dialect of Chinese this means, "Please repeat what you said louder." To which I replied again, as politely as possible, "I'm sorry, I still have no idea what you are saying." Which again, must mean, "Just say that one more time to make sure I get it right." The last time she was just disgusted with me and walked away as two other young Chinese women looked on in great amusement. Later I discovered that "Gucci" is not a coincidental word in Chinese. In an aha moment, and about three other very nice Chinese women later, I realized that they were walking the street trying to sell us purses or perfume, or whatever else they may have had hidden in an unknown location. This brought to mind the words of wisdom from the hotel clerk who said, as we left the hotel, "Remember, don't pay more than $30 for a purse."

The stores were narrow and very crowded, even though it was the middle of the week. The standard phrase of every single clerk was, "I'm going to make the best deal for you." However, you soon learn that they are all mostly the same price with the same deal. A silk scarf is $5 on either side of the street. Yet when you walk around the corner onto Mulberry Street toward Little Italy, which connects with Chinatown, the prices increase. Chinese motive is interchanged with signs for pizza, tiramisu, and the Italian flag. Italian men are on the street in front of the restaurant offering you a seat and a glass of wine. They are quite charming. But most interesting was the monk I saw walking down the street in a brown robe heading to an unknown location. It was like something out of a movie watching this heavy set bald topped man in brown wool with a rope belt moving through the city streets. Leaving the restaurant we found nestled in between two buildings was a Catholic Church down what could have been an alley lined with statues of saints that were hoarding offerings of food and coins to answer the prayers of the believers.
Besides finding excellent pizza, the best tiramisu on the planet, and a place where I could buy fresh cannoli's I was most intrigued by a man that did Chinese calligraphy on the street. He held a small cartoon book with yellowing pages in one hand and a pen in the other where he carefully stroked images onto a white piece of paper. For $5 you can get a picture with your name. For $10 he will frame it. The trick on this one is, however, the name pictures are put on pre-printed factory pictures and not on his beautiful artwork. It is worth $5 to just stand there for a bit and watch him work, however. Not even the people that sold the same name drawings on Staten Island offered the same talent as this man. When I return to NYC I will look for him again.
Although I did not buy a painting we did buy enough in our little trip to have to buy not one but four burlap bags from Nepal to fit our goodies into. Two of these can be seen in the photo from the previous post as Brenda has them wrapped around her neck on the subway as we travel toward our adventure to the Statue of Liberty.

My Day in NYC - Part 1- The Subway

2010-03-11T06:44:00.000-08:00

My best friend, Brenda, and I decided to fly and spend a day in NYC. I hadn't been there since I was a child and Brenda had never been there. So, on my blog I am going to break up our trip into different blog posts because even in one day there is just too much to share.
One thing I had never done was travel for a day via public transportation - color me spoiled. Honestly there isn't much need to travel via public transportation in Neenah, WI. For one thing the buses stop running at 5 p.m. and for another I have a perfectly good car.
When we first got to the hotel a woman on the elevator told us, "NYC is the friendliest place in the world with the friendliest people in the world. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." I don't think that what she said is untrue, but I do think that she forgot to spread the word regarding that fact to the rest of the population. We found that New Yorkers are indeed helpful and friendly, but only if approached first.
The subway and buses were not nearly as dirty as you would think. There are thousands of people traveling every single day. Most everyone has ipods or mp3 players stuck in their ears and many of them take advantage of the ride for much needed sleep. I found a lot of people that were working full time and also attending school. The subway ride was their only nap time.
No one speaks until you speak with them first. I greeted everyone with a cheery "hello" and received a lot of smiles from other people. I said a word of kindness to others I saw such as "that's such a pretty dress," or "you have beautiful eyes." Everyone I spoke with was polite, smiled, and seemed genuinely pleased. One young man who is finishing school this year said, "I sure hope your enthusiasm is contagious. We need that here. I think we've forgotten how to be courteous."
I don't know if that is necessarily true. People were more than happy to help us find the right train and point us in the right direction. Even two of NYC's finest at the Staten Island Ferry area were joking with us and were very helpful. When I asked, "Are all NYC police officers as cute as the two of you?" they responded with, "No. Not at all. We're the only ones."
I met people from all over on the subway. Most were from NY and had lived here all their lives. Interestingly enough not many of them knew where Liberty Island and the ferry were located. They had never been there. It is safe to say that 98% of the New Yorkers we asked had no idea how to get to the Statue of Liberty nor had they ever visited. The 2% that did were working on Liberty Island, which I'm not sure counts. "We just assume it will always be there," said one young man.
Reading material on the bus was intriguing. One young man from Guyana was reading Tartuffe by Moliere. He was genuinely interested in my impressions on the play. He was rereading it for amusement and not for a class. Another was reading Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegot. This handsome young native New Yorker had read previous Vonnegot novels and found he liked the writing styles. A young girl, no more than 12, had just been to see a production of The Miracle Worker by herself. She was very careful not to bring to anyone's attention that she was travelling alone.
There were all kinds of people from all over the world riding with us in the subways. It was almost like being in a foreign country at times. But even people who eaves dropped on my conversations and happy wishes to others seemed genuinely pleased with a kind word to others. They wished me a good visit and smiled at me as they exited on their stops. So it is possible that NYC has a bad reputation for nothing because I have to say that the people we met were not unfriendly at all. They are just busy and hardworking.

The only person that we can say was Mr. Grumpy Grump was the bus driver on the Q43 when we were exhausted and returning to the hotel. Brenda was rather amused by his sully attitude and suggested he get a new job. But even he was kind enough to make a stop that was not on his schedule to drop us directly in front of the hotel.

I believe my next post will be on Liberty Island and the ferry to get there.

Getting Ready to Travel

2010-03-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

A girlfriend and I are going on a trip to NYC for a couple of days.

I'm packing my suitcase and my 10 year old says, "Wow, Mom. You are taking a lot of stuff for 2 days. You are coming home, right?"

My fifteen year old, obviously wise beyond his years, answers, "She's a woman. You should see what they pack when they go for a week."

I feel so loved!

Charlie the Escape Artist

2010-03-01T15:58:00.000-08:00

Charlie, our cockatoo, is very very smart. He always manages to think things through and escape. He is very proud of himself when he does this as well. My 15 year old, Aidan, decided to catch him in the act and put a small recorder down as Charlie doesn't want anyone to know his escape tactics. Charlie was caught on video this time.

Contemplating...

2010-02-26T12:17:00.000-08:00

I ran across this picture on my phone this morning. It was taken June 2009 in Ocean City. It was beautiful. Seeing it this morning reminds me how much I truly love my husband.
I think we forget sometimes where we start in a relationship. We tend to take little things for granted, but honestly little things are what make up life.
I don't know what he was thinking here, but I hope he is thinking about what a wonderful life we have built together. I want him to remember not only where we started but what we have accomplished.
All I really know is my life is much better with him then it ever could be without him.

My new Taurus .38 Special Ultra Light

2010-02-24T13:56:00.000-08:00

Well, having decided to buy a handgun I had my heart set on a Taurus, although not the one that I ended up buying, which is seen in the photo here. The one I wanted was a semi-automatic 22, but it was almost impossible to find.

I went to a gun dealer in Oshkosh and found this one and I liked the feel of it in my hand. I personally prefer a rosewood handle. I have no idea why.

Anyway, we took it to Shawano and went with my friend, Brenda, and her boyfriend, Bill, and found an out of the way place where we could fire our new guns (because Brenda got one too) without scaring the neighbors or getting arrested. It was super cool. Bill even made a target with a bullseye for us to shoot at.

I was happy I had taken my gun class, and I was ready for about everything except for the sub arctic weather. It was FREEZING outside. I imagine that if we were dead on the target in that weather if a bad guy comes into the house where it's warm he hasn't got a chance in hell of not getting hit.

Anyway, what I thought was funny was every single man that saw my revolver had the same response. "It's a pretty little thing." Wow. I had no idea that guns could be pretty little things. However, if a bad guy comes running through my house and manages to get past a German Shepherd, a crazy cockatoo, and a passel of ankle biters that "pretty little thing" is going to shoot his patootie.

For any other ladies out there looking for a hand gun, I have to say I really like this revolver. It's not just pretty - it's accurate, effective, and not nearly as loud and kicky as some others I've shot.

My nomination for the first Lufthansa A380

2010-02-21T04:56:00.000-08:00

My nomination for the first Lufthansa A380: "The A380 the new Lufthansa flagship, a special experience, the Lufthansa A380. Find out more about the fascination of a new era in air travel. Take part, Raffles, Downloads, Photos, Video, Gallery, First Flight in 2010."

Animals of Montana

2010-02-19T08:53:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I had no idea that such a place as Animals of Montana existed. However, upon reading their story I was shocked and appalled at how these people were treated by the US government.
Long story short, the people purchased a tiger from a place that had been selling tigers for years. They did everything they were legally required to do and yet they were closed down and fined because 1. the US government official did not send them the written approval and gave them verbal authorization and 2. because the nimrod that sold them the tiger didn't have the licensing that he supposedly was supposed to have had.
There are serious losers in this story, the main losers being the animals. It is unfair and seriously unjust for innocent animals to have to be euthanized just because some government official decided that he is the god of the animal kingdom in the US.
Looking further into the story I found that the seller of the tiger, Kenneth Kraft, was not an altruistic animal person, but he was simply in it for the almighty dollar. He was knowingly falsefying papers to sell animals around the US and he was also killing animals and selling pelts. The guy and his wife are losers that were severely fined and had to serve some jail time.
In my opinion, Animals of Montana is a victim of the Krafts and their illegal operation. He didn't do anything against anyone else. He is now a victim of the US government. The animals, in the meantime, are not getting the care they are used to and are being severely penalized.
I say: write your congressmen and senators and get these unjust charges changed so these people can be put back in business.

Women on Target Gun Class

2010-02-15T08:08:00.000-08:00

I was lucky enough to get into a class offered by Fox Valley Tech called "Women on Target" sponsored by the Women of the NRA. I have to admit this is an awesome class with super instructors. I even learned about a program for women in the Fox Valley called "Fox Valley Women's Shooters." I'm seriously considering joining this group.

What I think is super about these programs is that they are teaching firearm safety and awareness. If you are ever going to handle a gun or pistol you should know what you are doing so you don't accidentally shoot your foot or other body part or perhaps the body part of someone else unintentionally.

The set up they had was extremely well done from the goodie bags with cookies and grapes to the indoor basement range with balloons and paper plates. They incorporated the Valentine's theme for the season. All the women, even those taking the class, were exceptional. It was 4 hours that went by very quickly.

My shooting instructor is John Bauer whom, I have to admit, knows his stuff. He is an excellent teacher and very patient. I would definitely take other lessons from him.

So why the interest in shooting lessons? Well, I recently purchased a hand gun and a rifle. I have been shooting before, the first time when I was about 12 years old. I've handled guns but never really had a single lesson except from men that didn't really teach me gun safety only how to shoot.

After several upon several years (we won't get into the age issue here) of not shooting I found I was still pretty accurate. What I also found out is that with the training I received not only was I more accurate than before, but I could now handle a gun without accidentally killing myself or someone else.

Kudos to my hubby, though. He said, after I mentioned taking lessons with him, " I have to swallow that, 'I'm a man and know how to handle a gun' idea. I know I could benefit from shooting lessons, it's been about 20 years since I've left the marines and actually shot a gun." I knew I had married a very intelligent man.

Making Friends with . . .

2010-02-10T11:54:00.000-08:00

So, who do you want to make friends with? I never thought about making friends with Death. I also never considered I might need special instructions for making friends with black people, or yellow people, or even white people. I kinda figured it would just work itself out based on our personalities. Now I do realize that making friends with girls is kinda tricky sometimes. Women are fickle. Don't really want to make friends with Hitler especially since he's dead. I also had no idea that there were instructions for making friends with shadows on the wall. Now that I do I will come back and look if I ever get lonely enough. As for making friends with my food - not a good idea. I can't eat my friends and I'd starve to death.

Brad and Angelina Sue Tabloid

2010-02-08T20:56:00.000-08:00

Brad and Angelina have had more than their fair share of rumors printed in the gossip rags. I think it might be time to throw the rags out the garbage because that is exactly what they print. Now they are stepping up and suing them for printing the falsehoods. I say, "Bravo."
I realize that people that are in show business who become successful are always in the limelight and others who have less glamorous lives seem to thrive on their supposed misfortunes. It's a shame. I honestly believe that people should just realize that these are just successful people. Why are they successful? Because they are good at their jobs. These aren't gods that walk on water and they haven't asked to be anyone's role models. They have chosen a career that puts them in the public eye. Period.
I think it's great that Angie and Brad have chosen to come forward and do something about the supposed media reports that are causing their family undue stress. These people have children they are trying to raise and lives they are trying to live. They have given money to the less fortunate and have even gone out and worked side by side with people to provide better lives for those that don't have nearly as much. Yet instead of publicizing the good they do people seem to want to thrive on lies and gossip.
I've read on news sites where people are still talking about Pitt's failed marriage to Aniston. They don't stop to realize that he has been with Jolie for longer than he was married. They also don't stop to think that this couple has small children. They have also gone so far as to name divorce attorneys that have never even been in contact with either party. What did they do? Open the yellow pages and point to a divorce attorney? Now that's great journalism.
I commend them on fighting back and protecting their family. Maddox, who was with them at the Super Bowl yesterday, is old enough to read in the check out lanes or on the internet. It must pain him to see lies written about his parents and cause him to fear. Shame on those that think that a dollar is more important than the well being of a child.
In this case you can see that Jolie and Pitt are not doing it for the money, they are doing it for their family and their peace of mind. They simply asked for a retraction which the tabloids denied. I hope the tabloids have to pay for it dearly and perhaps they will give people something more entertaining and at least partially honest.

The Lovely Bones

2010-02-06T18:53:00.000-08:00

The Lovely Bones is a great novel, well most of it anyway. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and getting caught up in the realistic portrayal of the Salmon family truly feeling for their tragedy. Parts of it even made me cry just from the thought of someone losing a child in such a horrible fashion. But toward the end the book lost some of its umph. I think it's because it was told by the dead girl and it was hard to let her pass on as she watched her family grow older without her.

I thought the movie would be equally impressive. I was reading how it has a phenomenal director and how the girl chosen to play Suzie was perfect for the role. Perhaps those two things are true, but the movie fell extremely short of phenomenal. On a scale from one to ten I'd have to give it a three, and that's being generous.

The best parts of the book were missing from the movie. The parts that made the book so poignant and heart rendering were gone. In the place where these important factors that made the book a best seller were computer graphic images of the girls heaven. We could have used a little less graphic imagery and a lot more story.

I'm well aware how difficult it is to put a book into a movie without making the movie extremely long, but in this case they would have had a lot more storyline if they had forgone the imagery.

My best advice is to read the book and forget the movie.

Lilly the Lickaholic

2010-01-29T13:11:00.000-08:00

This is Lily. She is a lickaholic. She can't seem to help herself, poor thing. She gets very excited and just comes over and starts licking your face, your hands, your chin, or whatever she can reach. The main problem I have is that she's adorable and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I am afraid that one day I will have been licked to death or will die from drowning by licking.

Still, I love you Lily. You may have a little brain, but you have a gigantic heart.

Conservative Vs Liberal

2010-01-29T13:04:00.000-08:00

I received this from my son. He's a pretty smart cookie.

I don't normally send stuff off... but you should send this one out. :)

Differences between a Conservative and a Liberal

This sums it up pretty well........

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he feels that no one should have one.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat...
If a liberal is, he wants to ban all meat products for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he loudly demands legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who will take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God or religion silenced.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

A conservative will forward this to all his friends.
A liberal will try to have it banned from the Internet.

How about a little support from our spouse?

2010-01-27T06:26:00.001-08:00

I'm one of the lucky ones, and I freely admit it. I have a husband that is extremely supportive, but I know of men out there that need to be slapped and slapped hard. Here's what got me started this morning.

I was reading articles on CNN.com this morning as usual. I keep abreast of current events and happenings this way. I saw an article on "Men Don't Cheat Because Their Wife is Ugly." Of course the skewed article is a bit flawed and gives only one basic reason a man cheats, "he's unhappy." That aside I started reading responses. I came upon this Neanderthal response from a man:

We respect you as mothers and care givers to our children. However, If you let yourself go and become unattractive then it is our right to go find a better looking piece of tail to mess around with.

Wow. Intelligence becomes him, I'm sure. However, he did manage to spell and use correct grammar. Unfortunately his proper education must have been more important than his moral one. The fact is, I'm sure if his mother saw this she'd be darn proud of her little guy. (Yes, Virginia, that is sarcasm.)

My response to him is as follows:

Well, I imagine that the guest who responded that he has the right to cheat if his wife lets herself go is a fine husband indeed. What exactly constitutes letting oneself go? Women can get heavy for a number of reasons including age, childbirth, menopause, hormonal imbalance, depression, and many other factors. The fact of the matter is that men also can 'let themselves go' without any outside contributing factors. Does this mean that you should allow your wife to cheat on you as well? How about this? If you don't like the figure your wife has then work together to support one another in making yourself more attractive and healthier for one another? The time you spend looking to 'find a better looking piece of tail,' as you so eloquently put it, could be used to support the wife you said you would be faithful to for better or for worse. I seriously doubt it said that you would remain faithful until she lost her girlish figure.

Bottom line is that people that ignore and disrespect their spouses are the ones that cheat for whatever excuses they may come up with. Get a clue.

Shhhhhh!

2010-01-24T18:13:00.000-08:00

Secrets you keep to spare another’s heart
Will only make them hurt more.
For secrets are sneaky little things that
Creep around corners and whisper,
“Someone is hiding something from you!”
They do not like being kept hidden
In shadows but seek the light
Where they see their damage.
A secret can destroy a relationship.
It can kill a friendship.
It can separate a parent from a child.
It is a powerful and dreadful weapon
Which can only be destroyed by Truth.

Ingrid Michaelson on Ellen

2010-01-23T08:20:00.001-08:00

I think that it's always a pleasure to see Ingrid Michaelson sing. She is a wonderful and talented performer. I honestly never considered myself a fan of anything but just an appreciator of talent, but this kid is changing my mind as I found myself watching Ellen for the sole purpose of getting to see her sing. My boys were there waiting as well. They got bored by Ellen and wandered away, but kept coming back to see if Ingrid was on yet. When she came on they were again mesmerized.

So why do you think she hits home? Maybe because her songs remind us of just being alive and trying to survive. We all have dreams and setbacks and I think Ingrid Michaelson catches this in her music.

Here she is singing Maybe.

Lyrics:
I don't wanna be the one to say, "Goodbye" but I will, I will, I will
I don't wanna sit on the pavement while you fly but I will, I will, Oh yes I will.

'Cause maybe in the future you're gonna come back; you're gonna come back around.
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back; you're gonna come back.
Oh. The only way to really know is to really let it go.
Maybe you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back. You're gonna come back to me.

I don't wanna be the first to let it go. Oh. But I know, I know, I know.
If you have the last hands that I want to hold, then I know I've got to let them go.

'Cause maybe in the future you're gonna come back; you're gonna come back around.
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back; you're gonna come back.
Oh. The only way to really know is to really let it go.
Maybe you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back. You're gonna come back.

I still feel you on the right side of the bed.
And I still feel you in the blankets pulled over my head
And I'm gonna wash away (I'm gonna wash away)
Oh. I'm gonna wash away everything 'til you come home to me.

Maybe in the future you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back in the future
You're gonna come back. You're gonna come back.
'Cause maybe in the future you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back around.
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back.
Oh. The only way to really know is to really let it go

Maybe in the future you're gonna come back (You're gonna come back)
You're gonna come back around.
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back. (You're gonna come back)
You're gonna come back around.
Oh. The only way to really know is to really let it go.
(Maybe in the future you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back around)
Maybe you're gonna come back. (You're gonna come back)
You're gonna come back. You're gonna come back to me

Mmmmm. You're gonna come back to me. You're gonna come back to me

Coakley Vs. Brown - Shoot Me! I'm a Patriot!

2010-01-20T06:18:00.000-08:00

I don't think that it's a sign of partisan politics that caused Martha Coakley to lose the race in Mass. I realize also that President Obama's comment that "Campaigns and candidates matter" was taken as a direct affront to Ms. Coakley. I don't think people should look at it that way because in this case he's right. It was the people running in the election that the people in Mass looked at.

In my opinion the comment that Mr. Brown made regarding the senate seat being the people's seat and not the Kennedy seat is what may have made the greatest impact. The Democrats and Republicans alike seem to be forgetting who elects the people that represent us. It's not supposed to be a Democratic or Republican seat in the Senate, it's supposed to be a body of people elected to represent the ideas and needs of the people in the United States.

Ted Kennedy's widow called the Senate seat his "legacy." It is true that the Kennedy's have represented a great political power for decades in the US. However, I think that idealism is waning through the years as we see new and unknown faces entering the political arena and making an impact on how the American people vote.

It is a mistake to give too much power to a political party. In that case we might as well just have an Oligarchy and not a Democracy. The working party is not represented when you look strictly at a person's political affiliation and not at his or her willingness to stick up for the needs of the American people. The salaries that our representatives make exceed that of the population they represent.

I was told by a democrat after the Obama election that there are no such things as patriots in this country anymore. She was incensed that I had an opinion as to why I didn't think that Obama was the perfect president for our country. I must have been racist or something, but at the very least she considered me to have an archaic viewpoint of politics. I beg to disagree. I think that we need to have that sense of pride in our country to bring back what we have lost. We have become so ingrained in a person's political party that we shine them up like brass and present them like a prize you can win at a carnival. Political candidates are not Kewpie Dolls. They don't sit around and look pretty, the make decisions regarding our future and our childrens' futures.

So, at the risk of showing my Patriotic colors I will say congratulations to Mr. Brown and his stint in the Senate. Perhaps for once we can have a person in office that will actually do what he says he will do and not make excuses as to why it can't be done.

It would be nice to see some of those bi-partisan politics that Obama promised. I would love to see the bridges linked and a good rousing round of Kumbaya as Democrats hold hands and join together for the good of the people of the US instead of worrying about making their pay raise.

I am a Patriot and I stand proud in my love of this country. So shoot me, because evidently I'm becoming an extinct species and I'm sure that many believe we need to make way for all the new and improved technological campaigns.

Complain about everything that you will, but in all honesty we have a wonderful place to live and the only thing that seems to screw it up are the blinders we wear during elections as we gyrate like political sheep (that keep getting sheered) toward our political affiliations.

Kiss Me Again

2010-01-01T13:41:00.001-08:00

It's the New Year. Everyone should be kissing in the year to bring us love, happiness, and luck. Biciami Ancora by Jovanotti... Because Italians know all about love... and kissing.

Hints for Marriage and Relationships in the New Year

2009-12-31T07:34:00.000-08:00

No one wants to start the New Year on a bad note. If you are in a relationship or married you definitely want things to be happy and go smoothly. So here's a few hints for those in relationships for the New Year that correlate with our new techie lifestyles:

1. Put down the computer! - How much time do you spend on the computer? Play games? Watch movies? Blog? Chat? Get on facebook and myspace? Take time away from the computer and spend some time EVERY DAY with your partner. Even if you just snuggle on the couch and hold each other while a bad rerun is playing it's better than keeping your hands on the keyboard and chit chatting with them. Take an hour or thirty minutes and give each other attention. Having a computer in the bedroom is just as bad as having a television in the bedroom. It's better to read a book and snuggle than it is to hold a large piece of plastic in your lap and read. That large piece of plastic makes it harder for your partner to get near you.

2. Don't air your dirty laundry on sites! - Okay, it's addicting and fun, but seriously. You don't have to air all your dirty laundry about your spouse online. Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter are not the best places to talk crap about people. Once there the words never go away but are forever available for the world to see in cyberspace... even after kisses and forgiveness has been done.

3. Quit hooking up with people on websites! - Online chatting and dating are becoming real problems. It takes us back to number 1 too. Why are you spending time flirting and having online sex talks with people when you have a real person right there in your home? Hello? Maybe this is one reason you are having problems, genius. And you think you're being sneaky? Think again. Did you know that around 25% of divorces today have named facebook as a reason for being divorced? You will be found out. So, instead of spending time having pretend sex with a person online, try the real thing with a real person that lives with you. Actually talking to them and having relations with them might fix some of your problems.

4. Make a date night at least once per month! - Yes, I do realize that things get busy, but with all the new time you are making by putting down the computer and actually looking at the life you have around you you can make time to actually take out your siggie. (*siggie = significant other) It's great to reconnect and help develop some of that waning romance. Take turns picking out the date and don't be afraid to be creative and try new things.

5. Go to bed at the same time! - Don't let your partner go to bed before or after you do. Make it a routine to go to bed together. Spend a few minutes sharing ideas for the new days or just sharing thoughts. You might be surprised to see what happens. It could be the very thing you need to revamp that sex life.

6. Don't lie to each other! - Even if it's little white lies it ain't good, Bucko. You can skim the truth but eventually it's going to come out. If you don't share what's wrong they can't help and vice versa. Part of being in a relationship is being able to share. If you have a crush on someone bring it out in the open and maybe it won't be such a problem because holding it in only romanticizes it. Bringing it out in the open may actually help you get over it.

7. Don't blow off the handle! - Especially if he/she is sharing with you. If they do have a secret crush and they are bringing it to your attention it means they trust you to be able to handle it. Take things in stride. Remember, once you lose your temper you've lost the argument. You can't have a conversation if you're yelling and anger only causes hurtful things to be said. Take some time to calm down and then discuss things. Be aware, be patient, and try to see the other person's point of view.

We'll stop at lucky number seven. Hope you all find that your love is grand in the coming year!

Surviving Thanksgiving

2009-12-03T07:35:00.000-08:00

I truly must be a survivor. After going to Turkey and living through numerous taxi cab rides(in Turkey there are no speed limit signs, no one sees lane lines, stop light are not laws but merely recommendations, and traffic police are there only to collect money if they actually care about how you are driving, catching some kind of bug that my oldest daughter so kindly shared with me (thank you Sesame Street for "It's Nice to Share" idea that it gave to all my children growing up), and having five extra boys in the house and three extra girls in the house for our Thanksgiving holiday I realize I can survive almost anything. Even 2012.

My perplexity comes from our now 17 year old daughter whom decided that she didn't like having extra people in the house at all. She didn't even like having her paternal grandparents here. "It's not like they care at all about me," she said. My concern was that she spouted off with her grandfather standing directly in front of us.

Honestly I can understand how young boys might get on her nerves, not that they paid her much attention. They were loud and energetic, but that's how boys are supposed to be. However, I can't understand her disdain over her grandparents and her aunt. She was a bit miffed by the fact that her uncle couldn't remember her name, but hey, he's a guy. He's lucky to remember his own name at times, I'm sure.

I think what it boiled down to is that she wasn't the center of attention. She felt the boys were more important than she was. She also didn't like the fact that her grandmother brought up her natural mother and was talking about her. She hasn't acknowledged her in several years now and doesn't show signs of forgiving her for past transgressions yet. It's a very hard issue to come to terms with. I know several women that have "mother" problems that they never have gotten over.

I think it's tough being a teenage girl. You have all those hormones running rampant and no where to release them. You feel like you're lonely all the time even when people are in the house. No matter what you say you are misunderstood. You have to constantly watch what you wear and what you say. Boys, on the other hand, can pretty much wear whatever they want. If they don't shower and jump out of bed crumpled it's still cool. If a girl tries that they get snickered at all through the day and rumors start running rampant.

But after saving the cockatoo and giving him therapy after new boys came in and thought he was carnival shooting toy, the smaller dogs and the cat were relieved and came out of hiding, and finding dishes and food in very clever hiding places things are getting back to normal... or as normal as it ever gets here.

Honestly, I do miss Turkey. It was wonderful there. I miss the people, mostly. But I love being home with my family and friends. I enjoy being in a place where I can drive to the store at a reasonable speed and where I can mostly count on people stopping for a red light.

Now that the turkey has been downed, two birthdays are almost out of the way, and the kids are back to the school grind we can get ready for Christmas. (sigh) But at least we'll have most of our family together, and for me that's the bestest part of the holidays.

***Note: The picture is of our favorite taxi driver whom we fondly call Benjamin. His name is actually Ebu Bakir which I mistakenly heard as "Abel Baker." I told him he looked like a Benjamin and he said, "Okay. I'll be Benjamin." He's totally awesome... :) and can drive better than most race car drivers I've seen.

The Mystic Hotel in Istanbul

2009-11-15T23:43:00.000-08:00

When trying to plan our trip to Istanbul we knew we would need to find a place to stay. We used all the common search and seizure sites for the best price. One of the main things we found were that it was much pricier to book a room from inside Turkey then from the US. We solved this problem by giving credit card information to Brian, in the states, and having him book the room. We found a lovely hotel online called the Mystic Hotel. It was complete with internet service, breakfast, and the promise of "charming hotel with a mystic atmosphere." The pictures looked lovely. It was in the Sultanahment district which is the old town. The streets are narrow and built like a maze. Many of the homes are abandoned or falling down, more than likely from an earthquake from several years ago.

The first obstacle was finding the place. After 2.5 hours and six taxi cab drivers later (the taxi drivers were just used to ask directions as we had rented a car) we still had not found the motel. We called the motel to receive help with directions. They were as much help as the taxi cab drivers. Luckily we had Yelda, our lovely Turkish friend, to speak for us. It didn't help. It became an adventure and we seriously wondered if the hotel perhaps either 1. didn't exist or 2. seriously was mystic and changed locations on a regular basis.

We finally found the place and remarkably across the way was a cut out perfect for parking. Our first experience here was being yelled at by a man that insisted it was an "otopark" and we had to pay him money to park. There were no signs indicating such, but the nice man in the hotel said that we should pay him.

We have found that there are many places in Istanbul where they insist we pay for parking even though they do not look like parking spots. Such as yesterday parking on the sidewalk for 5 tyl while we went to visit a bazaar. Later we found another parking spot where Ilkon, Yelda's boyfriend, said they only charge tourists and they really do not have the right to charge for parking.

In the case of the hotel, however, we believe, in our own pollyanna way, the man is looking out for our car and making sure that the tires still stay on the car.

Inside the hotel we had to give him our passports, which I found odd, and then pay him for our room. Upstairs we were placed in the Zuluf room, which means sideburns in Turkish. There were four beds, two twins and a double, a wardrobe, one small lamp, a 12 inch television, two electrical outlets, and the theme is purple. I say it has a purple theme because according to the brochure each room has a theme.

When we went down for breakfast yesterday we had a table with cucumbers, hard boiled eggs, cheese (some of which had mold), Turkish yogurt, apples, olives, oranges, salami, and bread. You also had a choice of cay (tea) or something that reminded us of Tang.

While at breakfast I informed the owner that we had run out of toilet paper. He said that when they came to service the room they would give us more. That literally meant that we had to leave the hotel in order to get more toilet paper. This did not bode well with Aidan who had to use the facilities before we left. He then had his first experience with a bidet and a towel. (We also found that the soap canister did not pump, they do not provide any type of wash cloths, soap, shampoo, or lotions. We have resorted to pouring the soap out of the container.)

Aidan also has indicated that a bidet is not an adequate substitute for toilet paper. I hope to never find out.

Upon our return to the room at 11:30 in the evening we found that they also do not clean the room, make the beds, or provide new towels. They simply put in extra toilet paper.

This hotel is supposedly three stars. The brochure is photoshopped and the building does not look like indicated. It is very difficult to find and no one here actually knows where it is. The gentleman that owns it is very friendly and helpful, but his wife or the woman that runs it with him, does not seem overly thrilled to have us here. There are seriously steep hills going to and from the hotel. The building across the way is empty. The building next door has crumbled. There are trucks that go up and down the streets that have speakers yelling about different things they sell such as apples, oranges, or blankets.

I have to say that the hotel does not deserve 3 stars. It's more like a 1 star hotel in the States. You have to police your own room. On the plus side the man that owns the hotel is very nice, speaks English, and is extremely helpful. The extra blankets smell musty and haven't been washed for quiet a while. The shower is extremely hot and has great pressure, but the water kind of backs up the drain.

All in all it's a place to lay our heads at night. All is good.

The Turkish Way is a Turkish Delight

2009-11-12T23:12:00.001-08:00

Some people thought when I was going to Turkey that it was a bit unfortunate going overseas and not going to some more popular places such as Italy, France, or the United Kingdom. I think it's been the best possible choice for me. I have found a world of wonders here, but the most amazing part of the entire place has been the people.

As in any place you travel in the US there are some people that are on the streets and beg, but that is such a small minority of what you will find. Here the people are all very helpful and kindhearted. One young man told me, "Turkish people have big hearts." I've found what he said to be very true.

My Turkish is non-existent. Honestly I thought that since I was here to visit my son I wouldn't need to speak it so much. After all, I was only going to be here for two weeks. Since I've arrived I've spent a lot of time trying to learn more words and communicate with them better. Not because I feel it is important for me to learn another language (I already speak semi-fluent French, some Italian, and a little Korean), but because I want to show some very deserved respect to some very wonderful people.

People here go out of their way to make you feel welcome and wanted. They put up with you mispronouncing their language and strive to help you be better understood. Not once have I had someone say, "You're in Turkey, speak Turkish!" as some rude Americans have done in our country. They understand that I am here for a short time and seem to be pleased that I have attempted to master some of their even smaller sayings.

Wednesday I experienced the Hamam, a traditional Turkish bath. It was unlike anything I have encountered in the states. This bath in Izmir is over 200 years old and still practices a unique cleansing tradition. It is almost entirely made of marble inside. You run hot water in small sink and dowse yourself to get your skin soft. Another woman comes and lays you down and scrubs you with a harsh mitt to remove all your old and dead skin. By the time you are finished you have nice pink rosy skin and you feel soft all over.

Here you have to let go of any inhibitions you might have. The room is steamy and water drips from the high marble ceiling with round glass windows to let in natural light. In the center of the room is a huge marble slab where the lay the bodies down as the women turn you from one side to another and scrub every inch of you. Not once did my washer become frustrated with my inability to comprehend what she was saying to me. She simply pushed, did sign language, and nodded.

I thought to myself, "In the US the woman would have thought I was an idiot and would have mumbled obscenities." Here she sang and smiled.

Before leaving the US many people told me that I would love the Turkish food. "Turkish food," they said, "is some of the very best." I have found that the thing better than the food are the people. They love their country, they love life, and they help one another. I think many lessons can be learned from their culture and it's an experience I will not soon forget.

Driving Drunk? Call and report yourself. It works!

2009-11-02T09:47:00.000-08:00

Eau Claire's Mary Strey not only knows how to go out and have a good time, she also knows her limits and sets a precedent for those people that may have had a little too much to drink.

If we had more considerate and honest drunks like Mary maybe we would have considerably less grieving families.

Ingrid Michaelson in Madison

2009-10-26T10:53:00.001-07:00

It was a semi-family trip to see the remarkable Ingrid Michaelson in Madison at the Barrymore theater Saturday night. The show was sold out and the lines waiting for seating went far down the street. Fortunately is was unseasonably warm for Wisconsin.

The girls behind us were from Appleton and had come to see her last year in November. They were full of youthful exhuberance as many friends made their way to see the show, a few who managed to cut in line with them to take advantage of the "it's who you know" policy. The couple in front of us were from South Dakota. He surprised his woman with a 10.5 hour car trip to see Ingrid for her birthday. It was terribly romantic.

The doors opened for seating slightly later than they should have, but people piled in graciously and willingly had their hands stamped to waltz into the theater in order to find seats. We managed to get 2nd row seats with a great view of the stage. That lasted until the show actually started and people swarmed to the front floors blocking all view so they could be closer to the artists performing. The view then became filled with a mass of people who could have cared less if anyone else could see. Some were rather rude pushing their way through to find a square inch to park themselves for the duration of the show. It became clear that the midsection would have been the most preferable seating, but we found out too late.

The first act was Matthew Perryman Jones who looked hot in his blue jeans, beard, and long hair. My husband, Brian, was not impressed with his good looks and he spouted off, "All his songs sound the same and the boy needs a shave." To which I replied, "I think he's sexy." But I must say that he didn't do much to entertain us except sing and say a few quips to let us know he was live and not lip syncing.

The crowd went wild when Ingrid took the stage. She dressed simply in a purple flow top and black jeans. She wore her signature black glasses and smiled at the audience. She was born to perform. She proved that not only is she a talented singer/songwriter, but she is engaging and charming. She knew how to make people laugh and feel welcome. Her form is tiny but her essence is huge.

The band was very good and versatile. Allie Moss is traveling with her on this tour and did a wonderful job with her vocals and acoustic guitar playing. At first it seemed as if the two female guitarists were at odds, but it must have just been the initial stage fright. The first time Allie smiled her face lit up and you could see she was very attractive. She should spend more time smiling. All in all I give the band an A+. They worked well together and were very professional.

During the performance I only had my foot stepped upon 3 times. The same woman managed to keep shinning her cell phone in my eyes. I was happy when she left and was cautious when she reappeared. Do you say anything in a situation like this? Was it an accident or did she just ignore me? She asked if I minded if she sat on the seat armrest. I said, "Sure, but could you be careful, please, to not step on my foot again?" She had no idea she had done so and was mortified. After seeing her boots I can see why she didn't know she had made the slight faux pas. She ended up being a very nice person. I'm sure most people there were. She even bought me a beer because she lost the bet on how old I was. It does pay to look younger. (Thank you, AVON.)

So, here are some hints for those of you that might join us next year:

1. If you don't want to stand up for 3 or 4 hours, remember to sit mid section or in the balcony.
2. Wear sensible shoes.
3. Visit the ATM before going because the theater only takes cash and checks.

If you do get the chance check out Ingrid Michaelson's music and don't miss a show if she comes near you. I know you won't be disappointed.

(picture compliments of Brian Dunbar)

Sweat Lodge Deaths were Unspiritual

2009-10-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

I was horrified when I heard of the deaths of the people in the Arizona sweat lodge. My husband was equally horrified because he knew that it was one practice I have been enjoying with some new and wonderful Native friends in the Dells. The people I practice with are very spiritual and the process is ritualistic from the heating of the stones to the entrance into the lodge. The entire process if filled with love and honoring of the Spirit that they call upon for the well-being and health of those entering and their families and friends.

My experiences have been life altering and beautiful. I gained an understanding of the true essence of the people I shared the experience with and learned a new way of healing and sharing. They had specific rules and guidelines from what you were allowed to wear to what you did once inside. The event cannot occur without certain Holy people present.

This life altering event cost me absolutely nothing but gained me world of new spiritual awakening.

The people in Arizona were not as fortunate in their experience as I. They paid $9695-a-person for a "Spiritual Warrior" retreat. This retreat left people scarred and three people dead. There is nothing spiritual in any of these things.

It is heart rendering that someone profits on stealing a sacred ritual and turning into a money making opportunity. I find it to be a disgrace for him to shame the Native American community and focus his opportunistic endeavors on their spiritual success and turn it into a question as to whether these practices are "safe."

Native Americans are not looking to profit from their spiritual activity. They are looking to help friends and family with a centuries old practice that has rules and guidelines. It is one of the practices they have kept through their generations of hardship in surviving the progression of being overthrown by greedy land developers and cheated out of their properties by over eager settlers relocating for whatever reasons in the 1800's.

James Arthur Ray was not looking to instill a new spiritual awakening in the people he converted, he was looking to make a profit with his charismatic presence. He spoke of being on top and how many material possessions he had and how he had to regain them after his loss.

Ray's lessons for spirituality come with a high price tag. His "Practical Mysticism" classes cost a whooping $5,295. What I find mystifying is that anyone believes that the only people that can help you become spiritually adept are the ones that make you pay so much for it. The price tag doesn't indicate a man wanting to help others as much as someone wanting to line his own pockets.

Spirituality is free, you just have to open yourself up to the possibility. Some of us may not be nearly as rich monetarily but we are rich in so many other areas of our lives. Money does not make you successful, it just give you the appearance of being so.

And not allowing people to leave when they felt too much pressure was negligent. Not allowing someone to help that had the proper training was criminal.

My Stay at the Rosemont Hotel O'Hare in Chicago

2009-10-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you travel you get lucky and find a diamond in the rough. Other times you just find the rough without the sparkle. Which did I find this time?

My daughter, Sarah, my youngest, Cian, and I took a trip yesterday to Chicago. In spite of the GPS's attempt to keep me from reaching our destination I prevailed. There seriously are times I believe that the woman in the GPS is trying to kill me. I need to remember to check and make sure she hasn't used the satellite systems to change the beneficiary on my insurance policy.

After a quick, but tasty, bypass to the White Castle for hamburgers we made it past the $2.50 tolls on roads that needed more work then the free ones we road upon in Wisconsin, we found the Rosemont. It's not the easiest place to get into, I must say. They have a lot of barriers up around the hotel, mostly to keep you from easily checking in or parking. However, if you want to make life easier for $28 you can have a valet park your car for you. Opting out of this you can drive around to park and pay only $18. Nice huh? Not really.

So, when you are finally able to park pray you haven't decided to bring too many bags for your stay. Why? Because you have anywhere from a block to a half a block walk to the lobby. At the check out the girl behind the counter, despite your previous preference when you booked your reservation and ignoring the fact that there are 3 of you in your party, will ask you if you would like a king bed room. When I told her that I had specified a double she replied with, "Well, I'm not allowed to presume." Okay. I didn't think that specifying my preference in advance and actually taking a few seconds to look at it was presuming, but maybe I learned something.

The hotel did have some nice amenities, such as the decor in the room. The rooms are spacious and well decorated. However, there is no complimentary coffee and the ice bucket is actually more like a glass bowl without a lid. They also do not believe in top sheets on the bed.

The hotel promotes wi fi, but in actuality it's available only as a "hot spot" which means you have to pay for it via Tmobile for another $8. There is also no free breakfast or donuts. They do have a menu available and you can purchase a cup of coffee for $8 a pot or $4 a cup. Stick with the water is my advice.

The beds are comfy in spite of the lack of top sheet. Not too hard, not too soft. But don't get too comfy. Even on Saturday the maids decide that a good time to bring out the vacuum and bang it against the wall to make sure no dust bunnies are hiding in the baseboards. If that doesn't wake you up don't be surprised if the maid doesn't knock on your door at 8:15 to make sure you don't want to go ahead and check out and have your room cleaned. Check out is supposed to be noon. But hey, you may want an early start, right?

If you call to ask the front desk if they really want you to leave or if they are just trying to get voted as the "Most Annoying Hotel," they will respond with "If you didn't want the maid to knock on your door, why didn't you put up the 'Do Not Disturb' sign?" Wow. Maybe because they never told me this was necessary at the Hilton or the Holiday Inn. Shame on them. I responded with, "Would that have kept them from vacuuming and hitting the walls at 7:30?"

It's not all bad, honestly. They do have a nice LG large screen tv complete with cable. They have a swimming pool and a sauna, but no hot tub. They also have plenty of running hot water.

All in all I would have to say that it's not likely I'll stay here again, despite the cute decor.