Friday, May 25, 2012

Gentlemen, Don't be Lame- A Gift Guide for Men

I have been inspired to help guys buy gifts for their ladies. Now, I'm sure not all men out there are lame gift givers, but we do have a few that have trouble remembering and getting gifts for their women. Now, sometimes it is because you are just plain forgetful, some of you may not really care, others may be super cheap or broke, while others may actually just be plain clueless.

Men should know that a lot of women are thinking about what to get you for your anniversary on the first date. Yes, it is kind of creepy, but women are just built differently. If you click they generally have hope. If you end up being a scum bag loser - well, depending on who you hurt you might want to disappear for a few years. Just so you know, women have long long memories. While women have more than likely purchased gifts for men months ahead of time, most men procrastinate until the very last minute.

Idea 1: Get a Clue
If a woman is looking at something and says, "Oh, that's nice." Or if she shows you something and says, "Don't you think that would look good on me?" Those are pretty much anvil on the head hints. Take note. Don't just nod as you think about the women in the short skirt walking by or on television, or just grunt as you play your video game. Let that little light bulb turn on above your head and take a note. You may have just given yourself kudos for the next year that could possibly get you out of being nagged for at least three weeks. That's practically a mind vacation. Take advantage of it.

My suggestion: Buy it right away so you don't forget. Hide it when it comes in. If it is in super early, don't worry. Even if you forgot you purchased it once she says, "You didn't get me anything?" You may actually remember and be able to say, "I did! I've had it for a while." Then you can go get it and have an evening of mind boggling sex. (Sex is not guaranteed here. It's just something that I assume may happen. I claim no responsibility in your mate's willingness to comply.)

You don't have money? No worries. The next steps will help you with free to practically free gift ideas.

Idea 2: Flower Power
Flowers for women have been the old standard. Men have used cut flowers for years to impress their dates, whether they marry them or not. Along with them sometimes came a box of chocolate. Now, if you have been married for a long period of time just the flower may be enough. But be warned. DO NOT GIVE FLOWERS IF YOU HAVE BEEN GIVING THEM AS GUILT GIFTS. Never give a guilt gift as a regular gift. She will be wondering all night long and those stares will not be stares of appreciation. They could be stares of concentration on how to commit the perfect murder. Believe me, women can be dangerous.

Now for the cheapskates out there that don't have $50 or more to spend on the wife you can always get a small bouquet at grocery stores. These range around $5 - $15. For most women size doesn't matter - when it comes to flowers. It's the thought. And for those that usually don't have anything to show for them except a smile and an expectation that you're allowing her to have your body for the evening is enough - believe me, she'll be shocked and thrilled.

For those that are not willing to or just have no desire to even fork out that little bit of money (and I'm not judging - much,) you still have floral options. Check in the dumpsters behind your local flower shops or stop along the road and take advantage of mother nature. Just a small hint from someone on the receiving end of such a gift - look out for bugs. You may need to wash them first.

Idea 3: The Power of Poetry

Now here I am assuming that your lady has seen something in you at some point and time. Perhaps you have convinced her that you do indeed have at least one romantic bone in your body - and the "boner" does not count here, gentlemen. Poetic and pornographic are not synonyms.

Write her a little verse of poetry. If you have to resort to the "Roses or Red" version, perhaps you should go back to Idea number 2 or refer to the Idea number 4. Now, poetry does not have to rhyme. You just put down a few thoughts and feelings. This is a very romantic gift for a woman, and something she will treasure.

Perhaps poetry is a bit out of your league. Writing her a letter is just as good. It's something she can refer back to when she has those moments of time when she wonders why she is with you in the first place. Just remember to make it heartfelt and avoid words such as burp, fart, and any words that substitute for other bodily functions. Keep it heart felt.

Still at a loss for words, try this site: It has a form where you can fill in the blanks. You may not even need a spell checker this way.

Idea 4: Women Love Coupons

Women love saving money, buying things on sale, and saving time. Make a coupon book for her. My husband made one for me one Christmas and I cried. It showed that he actually took time out and thought of me. For me that was the greatest gift ever!

Now what to put in the coupon book is the question. Do not put anything in there that she has to do for you. Avoid things like, "This coupon requires me to come home an hour early from the bar," or "This coupon means that you will make me breakfast on just Sunday instead of Saturday and Sunday." Be a bit more thoughtful. Try things such as, "This coupon entitle you breakfast in bed." The expectation here is, of course, that you will bring it for her and not that she can make it and eat it in bed.

Avoid putting down things that you have no intention of doing. It won't be as thoughtful a gift if you just wrote it out to make her happy for that night. Follow through is actually expected.

The plus side of this gift is that it shows her that you care, that you are willing to help out, and it's free. Who doesn't love a bargain?

Okay, now that you have the gift ideas in place just remember the date! You will want gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas at the very least. If you can remember Valentine's Day that is a bonus. (And you can actually just buy some of those corny candy hearts and she'll be thrilled.)

Put a message on your phone, on your computer, and perhaps even have a friend or relative call you with a reminder. Don't procrastinate and wait until the last minute because you may be empty handed yet again and find your name permanently above the dog house door.

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