Girls and Their Daddies

I was watching a show last week called Being Erica where she is scooted back in time to right wrongs she's done in her past. In this particular show it showed the difficulties she was having with her family life. Her sister was angry with Erica, Erica was angry with her mother, Erica's mother was angry with her ex-husband. Erica believed that her mother was a shrew to her father and that the divorce was totally her mother's fault. Later when she is whisked back in time she discovers her father was having an affair. Her mother never wanted her or her sister to find out. She would rather have her girls think she was a horrible person then to have them hate their father.

When I went through my divorce my daughter had similar feelings toward me. It was very difficult for me, but I never wanted to say a negative thing about her father. The problems that I had in my marriage, I felt, should not influence the relationship the children had with their father. It wasn't easy. So many times I wanted to say something so I wouldn't be the bad guy. There are so many things that other people don't know, and my ex didn't seem to have the same compulsion I had in making allegations or telling stories. Still, right is right and truth comes out in the long run.

Today I have a friend going through a divorce. She has two teenage daughters. The daughters say hateful things to her and blame her for the divorce. There are so many things that she could tell them but she doesn't want to influence them negatively. They support their father and want his love and attention. For them this is a very important thing. You can see them vying for his attention and approval. So why not Mom? Because deep down inside they know they have their mother's love. I believe that they feel safe expressing their anger and frustrations to her. Is it fair? Not in the least. But still, they will do whatever they can to please their father even if it breaks their mother's heart, which it does.

Not all mother's are as gracious as my friend. She is frustrated and hurt and wonders if she's doing the right thing. She's constantly doubting herself and feeling horrible because her heart is breaking not only from losing a spouse and a family unit, but she feels she has lost her daughters.

My experience has shown me that daughters tend to come back around. Eventually they see that Mom isn't Satan in disguise, she's human and flawed but she loves her children unconditionally. Daughter's may strive to be Daddy's Little Girl but it's Mom that is there for heart breaks and chocolate ice cream.

Given time my friend will find that her daughter's don't really hate her - they are just a bit selfish, like all other teenagers around the world. They are discovering and finding their way in life. One day when the blinders come off and the demon of confusion leaves their bodies they'll look over and say, "Mom? Is that you? I was wondering where you were."

Gary Lewis is a Stand-Up Guy!

I know what it's like to grow up never knowing your father. My father was a dead beat dad that ran off when I was two and we never heard from him again. He never acknowledged me to his family, so they never knew I existed. I grew up okay, but it does make you feel a bit odd as a child at times. Thank goodness for me I had a Daddy that loved me like his own and never made me feel unwanted.

Suzan Lewis, born in 1952, probably knows exactly what I'm talking about. She was told by her ailing mother in 1972 that she was Jerry Lewis' daughter, but Lewis never acknowledged her. When Inside Edition offered to pay for a paternity Jerry Lewis refused to cooperate. However, his son, Gary Lewis (yes, the former Rock N Roll star of Gary Lewis and the Playboys), stepped up to the plate and donated his DNA for testing.

"Asked if she'd like for Jerry Lewis to acknowledge the results of the test, Minoret seems hopeful, but not overly concerned.
"Well of course I would love that [Lewis acknowledging the results], and I don't see why not...but hey, if he can't for whatever reason, he has his Oscar and I have Gary!" (From article at Popeater.com)


Both seem elated with the results of the test putting all doubts that anyone might have had regarding her paternity. Her father may not be stepping up, but her brother is standing proudly by her side telling anyone and everyone, even putting it on a website.

Personally I think it's great for them both. Gary Lewis is, in my book, a chivalrous man. I wish him and his sister a lifetime of good memories.