No matter how discreet you plan to be...

I was astounded when I learned about a website that caters to married people wanting to have an affair. Their motto? "When monogamy becomes monotony!" They have over 2 million members in the UK, US, and Ireland.

No matter how "discreet" you think you are being there can be repercussions, as proven by a Texas woman who gave birth to two babies with different daddies.

A disbelieving Mia, 20, told The Sun: “Out of all the people in America and all the people in the world, this had to happen to me.”

The Texas mum admitted having the affair at the time she conceived, and submitted to a paternity test because the two boys looked so unalike.

The double pregnancy is known technically as “heteropaternal superfecundation”.

Well, needless to say her secret is out.



Oh, and remember the shock of the baby faced Alfie in the UK that was "thrilled" to be a dad even though he was only 13. His hopes were dashed when he found out his unfaithful girlfriend really wasn't a virgin, but had had numerous encounters (where is this girls mother?) and the real father (via paternity testing) turned out to be a 15 year old boy living in the same complex. He was shocked because he said, "I thought she'd take care of it." She did, by lying. Only she didn't get away with it.

It's not that affairs are not heard of, but it is that I don't think people stop to realize the damage that they do to other people. When you have a home, a spouse, and children everyone suffers. The time you take away from you spouse is time you also take away from your children. There should be other options to help you get past the bad times.

People can make any excuse they want for why an affair is justified, but it's not. It hurts people and tears families apart.

I suggest if things are bad in your marriage spend the time trying to fix things. Talk about what it is that bothers you or that you are looking for. Don't take a high hand, but learn to listen as well. Make date nights so that you can bring back some "alone" time. Keep an open mind about things your partner may want or want to try.

If all else fails then talk about seeing other people so that there are no surprises. Set ground rules for each other if you go this route, but don't make the rules unrealistic.

With the collapse of what some consider the moral structure of our society it also seems as if the demise of the traditional family is dying as well. I find this concept very sad.

As a happily married monogamous woman I can attest that monogamy does not have to be monotonous. It can actually be very satisfying.

Can there be forgiveness?

I was watching a movie the other day in which a marriage of 20 years was broken because a man had started an affair with another woman. At lunch one day he told his wife that they had been living a lie and confessed to the affair. Why? Because he wanted to be with the other woman.

The wife was dumbfounded, as well she might be. This came at her from out of the blue. But the words he spoke next hit me:

"I won't give her up. It's non-negotiable."

Now I went through 18 years of marriage the first go round. I tried and tried to do everything from emoting to meditating to trying to bring back the passion and nothing worked. The main reason was because I didn't have cooperation. It took two of us to make a marriage and it would take two of us to succeed.

Unlike this woman I didn't have a worry about him having an affair with anyone...it was more like him having an affair with his hobbies. I came in third in his life and for me that wasn't acceptable. I couldn't live that way no matter how hard I tried. I finally gave up, which wasn't easy. I don't take vows and promises lightly.

In the movie the man realizes that the wife is the only woman he really loves. Life isn't as good without her. My ex said something along those lines too, that he realized what he had only after it was gone. She forgave him and took him back; I didn't.

I would think that if my current husband had an affair that I could forgive him. I would think that if we were able to discuss it and work through it the love would overcome the feeling of betrayal and that maybe I could understand. The difference is that we share in what happened together.

The first time around I wasn't given a choice. I was cut out completely and spent hours at night roaming the house crying. When I tried to talk to him about things he was too tired to talk or he turned things around to where I was at fault. That, my friends, is not communication.

This time around I know that I have love in my life. I feel loved and I feel appreciated. That, I believe, is what makes the difference.