How about a little support from our spouse?

I'm one of the lucky ones, and I freely admit it. I have a husband that is extremely supportive, but I know of men out there that need to be slapped and slapped hard. Here's what got me started this morning.

I was reading articles on CNN.com this morning as usual. I keep abreast of current events and happenings this way. I saw an article on "Men Don't Cheat Because Their Wife is Ugly." Of course the skewed article is a bit flawed and gives only one basic reason a man cheats, "he's unhappy." That aside I started reading responses. I came upon this Neanderthal response from a man:

We respect you as mothers and care givers to our children. However, If you let yourself go and become unattractive then it is our right to go find a better looking piece of tail to mess around with.

Wow. Intelligence becomes him, I'm sure. However, he did manage to spell and use correct grammar. Unfortunately his proper education must have been more important than his moral one. The fact is, I'm sure if his mother saw this she'd be darn proud of her little guy. (Yes, Virginia, that is sarcasm.)

My response to him is as follows:

Well, I imagine that the guest who responded that he has the right to cheat if his wife lets herself go is a fine husband indeed. What exactly constitutes letting oneself go? Women can get heavy for a number of reasons including age, childbirth, menopause, hormonal imbalance, depression, and many other factors. The fact of the matter is that men also can 'let themselves go' without any outside contributing factors. Does this mean that you should allow your wife to cheat on you as well? How about this? If you don't like the figure your wife has then work together to support one another in making yourself more attractive and healthier for one another? The time you spend looking to 'find a better looking piece of tail,' as you so eloquently put it, could be used to support the wife you said you would be faithful to for better or for worse. I seriously doubt it said that you would remain faithful until she lost her girlish figure.

Bottom line is that people that ignore and disrespect their spouses are the ones that cheat for whatever excuses they may come up with. Get a clue.

The Big Brother 11 Downfall

This photo depicts Big Brother 11 characters Natalie, Jesse, and Chima.

I have been a fan of Big Brother from the beginning. It's a CBS reality show that has very little to do with actual reality. No one that is going to be locked in a house together in real life would have prizes raining down on their heads. The only reality there is the conniving and back-stabbing that people do in real life, or perhaps the making of a new friendship or quick hook-up.

Every season has a favorite house mate. Sometimes the favorites are fun and charismatic, and sometimes they are just super hot people that make us tune in because we like looking at them. This season Jeff was our eye candy. He was also the person that mostly kept his word. The only time he went back on it was when he became confused and worried that he was being lied to. Not a good thing to do - seconding guessing oneself. But he was human. His other faux pas was that he smoked. Despite his bad habits of cussing, smoking, and bending he had most of the audience mesmerized with his chivalry toward his beautiful and sweet housemate, Jordan. Now Jeff has been evicted from the house and many loyal viewers have quit watching. Why? I can only answer for myself.

Viewers prayed for a divine intervention for Jeff to stay in the house. Many were hoping that Pandora's Box had hope left for him. It didn't happen. Jeff received the first standing ovation of the audience as he departed, and he departed with a smile that could melt a woman's heart and reminded us why we loved this guy so much.

Well, the honest reason I've quit watching this season is because I became a bit disgusted with the reason Jeff went home. Natalie, a 24 year old young woman, set her sights on the prize and has ridden the coattails of other contestants the entire way through the game. She has no redeeming qualities that I can find. She is not charismatic, she is not cute or pretty, and she is not, by a long shot, concerned with hygiene. The entire game she has depended on other people to pull her through, and they haven't disappointed her. Her claim to fame is that she can lie and she does it with ease and no conscious. "Lie and then never admit to lying," she told one of her house mates. It's all fine in order to get your way.

This season had more people that the audience hated then any other season, all aligned with Natalie. The season's antagonists were Jesse, the egomaniac who even wears shirts with his own image; Chima, the shrew who insisted she have her way and ultimately was asked to leave; Ronnie, the rat, who had no redeeming qualities to anyone except Jesse, Chima, and Natalie. Ronnie was the perfect friend for Natalie because he also had very little use for the truth. Most of the audience cheered and threw parties when he left the house.

I hate to see people that are so despicable prosper. I've seen too many people that have been able to lie and cheat and steal in order to get their way. I always wait for Karma to kick in and take over, but sometimes it just never seems to happen. So, for my part I can't watch this game any longer this season because of it.

I, personally, do not believe that we should promote bad behavior to others and reward people for it. There should be consequences for our actions. It's what I teach my children. It is ultimately the reason I'm done with this season of the show.

I don't expect people to follow my lead, but I do expect people to understand my decision.

Cheating Husbands and Appropriate Punishments

If found an article on AOL news where a New York Woman thought an appropriate punishment for her husband was pouring boiling water on his crotch while he was sleeping.

Emmanuel "Ojo" Ojofeitmi, 67, was hospitalized with second- and third-degree burns over 30 percent of his body, the New York Post reported Tuesday.
"I was in bed, I was fast asleep … She came into the bedroom and poured hot water all over me," Ojofeitmi told the Post.
"I didn't know what had happened. By the time I woke up, the skin was falling off," the Nigerian immigrant said.

Her lawyer says that the husband has a history of abusing his wife, which includes the mental anguish a woman suffers from when her husband is cheating. But this woman has put up with 21 years of abuse and lived with him raising four children. Evidently something snapped and she just couldn't take it any longer.

I'm not condoning doing such physical harm to anyone because they have wronged you, but I do believe that making a marriage work is very hard work. I've heard it said over and over again "once a cheater always a cheater." This makes it sound like people can never change. I don't believe that.

I do believe that we have to assume our responsibilities for what we have done - wrong or right. If a husband or wife is cheating then they have to assume the consequences for their actions. If they honestly feel that they can't stop they owe it to the spouse to tell them so. The other party has the right to determine if they can honestly live with that type of a relationship or not.

Of course some people may do it for the mere thrill of cheating and not getting caught. If that's the case don't be surprised if your spouse turns around and does something drastic. Remember Lorena Bobbit?

Can there be forgiveness?

I was watching a movie the other day in which a marriage of 20 years was broken because a man had started an affair with another woman. At lunch one day he told his wife that they had been living a lie and confessed to the affair. Why? Because he wanted to be with the other woman.

The wife was dumbfounded, as well she might be. This came at her from out of the blue. But the words he spoke next hit me:

"I won't give her up. It's non-negotiable."

Now I went through 18 years of marriage the first go round. I tried and tried to do everything from emoting to meditating to trying to bring back the passion and nothing worked. The main reason was because I didn't have cooperation. It took two of us to make a marriage and it would take two of us to succeed.

Unlike this woman I didn't have a worry about him having an affair with anyone...it was more like him having an affair with his hobbies. I came in third in his life and for me that wasn't acceptable. I couldn't live that way no matter how hard I tried. I finally gave up, which wasn't easy. I don't take vows and promises lightly.

In the movie the man realizes that the wife is the only woman he really loves. Life isn't as good without her. My ex said something along those lines too, that he realized what he had only after it was gone. She forgave him and took him back; I didn't.

I would think that if my current husband had an affair that I could forgive him. I would think that if we were able to discuss it and work through it the love would overcome the feeling of betrayal and that maybe I could understand. The difference is that we share in what happened together.

The first time around I wasn't given a choice. I was cut out completely and spent hours at night roaming the house crying. When I tried to talk to him about things he was too tired to talk or he turned things around to where I was at fault. That, my friends, is not communication.

This time around I know that I have love in my life. I feel loved and I feel appreciated. That, I believe, is what makes the difference.