Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Cheating Husbands and Appropriate Punishments

If found an article on AOL news where a New York Woman thought an appropriate punishment for her husband was pouring boiling water on his crotch while he was sleeping.

Emmanuel "Ojo" Ojofeitmi, 67, was hospitalized with second- and third-degree burns over 30 percent of his body, the New York Post reported Tuesday.
"I was in bed, I was fast asleep … She came into the bedroom and poured hot water all over me," Ojofeitmi told the Post.
"I didn't know what had happened. By the time I woke up, the skin was falling off," the Nigerian immigrant said.

Her lawyer says that the husband has a history of abusing his wife, which includes the mental anguish a woman suffers from when her husband is cheating. But this woman has put up with 21 years of abuse and lived with him raising four children. Evidently something snapped and she just couldn't take it any longer.

I'm not condoning doing such physical harm to anyone because they have wronged you, but I do believe that making a marriage work is very hard work. I've heard it said over and over again "once a cheater always a cheater." This makes it sound like people can never change. I don't believe that.

I do believe that we have to assume our responsibilities for what we have done - wrong or right. If a husband or wife is cheating then they have to assume the consequences for their actions. If they honestly feel that they can't stop they owe it to the spouse to tell them so. The other party has the right to determine if they can honestly live with that type of a relationship or not.

Of course some people may do it for the mere thrill of cheating and not getting caught. If that's the case don't be surprised if your spouse turns around and does something drastic. Remember Lorena Bobbit?

Friday, July 24, 2009

RI Allows 16 Yr Olds to Be Strippers

One of the most important thing that we can do as adults, parents, teachers, politicians, and as a country is to make sure that we make the best decisions for our children. Last time I looked a person was a child until the age of 18. At 18 they can vote, but they can't drink until they are 21. Why? Because when you become an adult you can see that you were pretty darn stupid as a teenager and your decisions, even though they felt right at the time, weren't always the best. Thus most teenagers live in a soap operaesque world. Almost everything is "life or death."

In Rhode Island a 16 year old can strip, as long as she is home by 11:30 on a school night. At least they have her education in mind here.

However, a 16 year old may not: operate a power saw or pump gas. Lord knows that pumping gas is a lot more dangerous then taking off your clothes for horny old men who've had too much to drink.

Great message you send to the kids there, RI.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

8 yr Old Girl Gang Raped and Disowned by her family

Being raped is a horrible experience for anyone. An 8 year old girl in Phoenix was raped by four other children, ages 9, 10, 12, and 14. All the children involved, including the victim are from Liberia, Africa.

Not only did this poor little girl suffer rape from these boys who lured her into a storage shed with promises of bubble gum, but she suffered further heartbreak when her family disowned her for shaming them with her actions of being raped by the boys. It was a neighbor in the apartment complex that called the police to report the crime when she saw the little girl crying and running from the storage shed wearing only her panties.

The boys said they were justified in raping the child because she had taunted them and was calling them names.

I do not even pretend to understand the customs of other countries, but this is shocking to me not only because all involved, except for the girl's parents, are minor's. I know there are countries where children carry guns and shoot each other. I know there are countries where children are sent out of their homes and forced to fend for themselves because their families cannot afford to feed them. I realize that this is not a completely friendly and perfect world. However, Liberia was based on the US system of justice. Freed slaves settled in Liberia so they would have real and total freedom. The country is about 40% Christian based with some indigenous traditional ideas and practices.

The fact remains that even though this girl's family is from Liberia they have chosen to move to the U.S. It is not a common practice for US citizens to throw out their children because they have been victims of sexual crimes. It is common for most of us to support and love our children and help them through these difficult times.

If you choose to leave your country and live here you should be willing to support the ideals of this country. You cannot throw out your child like a piece of garbage and bury your head in the sand. You should not condone your child to commit heinous crimes and support them when they are luring, beating, and molesting another innocent child.

If you can't do this, go back to your own country and live.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Boys Will Be Boys

My children are not perfect. No child is perfect. My boys play, run, and can be very loud. They can also bring me flowers, give great hugs, and do nice things for you just to show that they love you. My boys pick up sticks, play swords, and sometimes pretend to shoot guns at aliens. They also pick up trash, do chores, and strive to be good students in school. My boys do not disrespect adults, make a habit of lying, or terrorize small animals. They do make mistakes, sometimes need to be chastised, and are reprimanded.

When the neighbor lady came over to complain that my older son was "terrorizing" his little brother I had trouble understanding that. She said that he was holding him down and covering his mouth and not letting him up to scream for help. She also said he then proceeded to "undermine her authority" and deny what she had seen with her own two eyes. When the little guy came in I asked and he denied that his brother had done any of these things. She listened still intent that some kind of punishment was mandated for the older one. Surely I didn't want him to grow up to be a tyrant.

The other neighbor who was outside was shocked. She said that nothing like that had happened. They boys had been playing a bit rough, yes. But they were laughing and having a good time. She had just told them they only had about 20 minutes left to play and perhaps they should come inside to finish their time. (She too has had run ins with this other neighbor.) She said that my older one was trying to explain to the busybody neighbor about them just playing, but she was refusing to listen. Busybody then insisted that she could call social services on him, how would he like that? He said he believed there was a misunderstanding. Busybody then insisted that they go inside and speak to me regarding his behavior.

Busybody came into the house and told me her story. I was unhappy with my son and doubted that he did nothing. I couldn't understand why someone would go to so much trouble to tell on a child if nothing had actually happened. I told him to get his brother because I was insisting that he must be fibbing to me since Busybody was so insistent. Little brother comes in and confirms Big Brother's story. He has no idea why the Busybody would be so upset.

Busybody then tells me that she can call social services on my children. She also says that I need to get rid of my cockatoo because the neighbors are complaining. I ask her if these are the same neighbors that come over to see the bird and ask about him? She says, "I know you home school your children, but perhaps you should find a better way to teach them." She also says, "Don't get used to keeping that bird because you won't have him much longer. Something will be done."

By this point I've had enough. I ask her, "Did you just come into my home to threaten me? I don't appreciate that at all." I then asked my husband to show her out, please. She goes to leave asking what she's done. On the way out she asks my husband if I'm on my period. "No," he says. "You just over stepped your bounds." To which she replies, "I don't think I did anything wrong."

My other neighbor says that this woman watches our children out the window all the time. She leaves treasures for them to find, but sometimes she comes outside to chastise them for playing.

In my humble opinion:

1. You do not threaten a child.
2. You do not undermine the authority of a parent.
3. You do not threaten a neighbor, you speak to them regarding your concern.
4. Children play and can be loud. If you live somewhere that has children and you have problems with this move into an adult only neighborhood or apartment.
5. If you have so much time on your hands that you spend hours looking out your window to find something to complain about you have too much time on your hands. Get a hobby.
6. If you go into someone's home displaying this kind of behavior you're very lucky that all they said to you is that perhaps you should leave. I'm sure there is a lot more that could have been said. Consider yourself lucky.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Teenagers and Authority

I know that teenagers aren't supposed to like authority or being told no. I realize that when most kids get to preteen age they think that they have already grown into adulthood and know more than the parents. Evidently in the world of youth after you pass the age of 25 you become ignorant.

Such is the case with my 16 year old daughter who has her very first boy toy. They have been dating and seeing each other. She was shocked when I knew she had hickey's by the mere deduction that all of a sudden in July she was wearing ribbons and scarves around her neck. How did I know?

I realize that they will be making out. I realize that they want to spend as much time together as possible. I realize that they will be tempted to do other things that I would rather not think about right now.

I also realize that no matter how many times she asks I will not think it's okay for her to spend the night at his house. So give it up.

She thought that by calling me after the concert and waking me up I'd be prime to change my mind. Wasn't happening. Then she thought arguing would change my mind. Nope. What it did get her was four days of restriction for not respecting me in the first place.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Life and Our Expectations

There are so many things that I still want to do in life. It seems that I don't have enough time for a lot of it, but how much time do I actually waste? I don't think I want to look at the answer to that question. But if I'm spending that time being me, is the time really wasted? I don't know if I want to answer that one either.

A young mother last night said the same thing, just about. She said, "I'm almost thirty and I see time slipping away. There are so many things I still want to do and I don't feel I'm living up to my potential." She has four small children, a sick husband, and a full time job. Amazing. I find her inspiring that she can manage all that she does and still make time for friends. But in her perspective she feels that she isn't doing enough and isn't doing all that she wants to do.

On the other hand I know people that sit around and complain about not having enough in life. They complain about their jobs, the way their life is going, how their children treat them, their disatisfaction with their relationships, and so on. When you tell them to make changes they just don't want to or say they can't. But, honestly, everyone can make changes. It's that they don't want to. A lot of people fear change. They like knowing what is going to happen even if what is happening is bad, because at least they they feel as if they have some control.

I don't desire to be a super star. I do desire to be the best that I can be. If I feel as if I'm accomplished in my small part of the world I've done something. I've become someone. It's not the measure of everyone else in the world that matters, it's the measure we give ourselves.

My children think I'm wonderful. My husband likes being with me and supports me in everything I do. My family adores me and they tell me every day. I've done something right here, and that says a lot.

So what if we struggle to pay the bills or if we can't afford to go on a European Cruise? We have something here that some people don't and no matter how much time and effort they put into being successful and popular and rich they won't be able to buy it. Success isn't measured by how much money you have - it's measured by how much happiness you have in your life.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

My Nuclear Family

Every day I watch as my boys play with their father and am so grateful that they all love each other so much. It's a wonderful and amazing thing, even when they get a little carried away and you have to start moving expensive things to keep them from becoming victims of masculine horseplay.

Looking at the boys and their father no one would guess that one of them was not his biological child. Nothing he says or does shows a difference between the boys. I don't believe in my heart that he actually thinks of one as his step-son, but honestly loves him just as much as if he shared his DNA. In our family we believe that heart plays a much more important role than blood because heart is what you need in order to make a family successful.

I love my husband, not just because he has this remarkable way of giving all of us the love and support that we need, but because he loves fully and honestly. When someone says that his boys look just like him he smiles with great pride. He's amazing.