How about a little support from our spouse?

I'm one of the lucky ones, and I freely admit it. I have a husband that is extremely supportive, but I know of men out there that need to be slapped and slapped hard. Here's what got me started this morning.

I was reading articles on CNN.com this morning as usual. I keep abreast of current events and happenings this way. I saw an article on "Men Don't Cheat Because Their Wife is Ugly." Of course the skewed article is a bit flawed and gives only one basic reason a man cheats, "he's unhappy." That aside I started reading responses. I came upon this Neanderthal response from a man:

We respect you as mothers and care givers to our children. However, If you let yourself go and become unattractive then it is our right to go find a better looking piece of tail to mess around with.

Wow. Intelligence becomes him, I'm sure. However, he did manage to spell and use correct grammar. Unfortunately his proper education must have been more important than his moral one. The fact is, I'm sure if his mother saw this she'd be darn proud of her little guy. (Yes, Virginia, that is sarcasm.)

My response to him is as follows:

Well, I imagine that the guest who responded that he has the right to cheat if his wife lets herself go is a fine husband indeed. What exactly constitutes letting oneself go? Women can get heavy for a number of reasons including age, childbirth, menopause, hormonal imbalance, depression, and many other factors. The fact of the matter is that men also can 'let themselves go' without any outside contributing factors. Does this mean that you should allow your wife to cheat on you as well? How about this? If you don't like the figure your wife has then work together to support one another in making yourself more attractive and healthier for one another? The time you spend looking to 'find a better looking piece of tail,' as you so eloquently put it, could be used to support the wife you said you would be faithful to for better or for worse. I seriously doubt it said that you would remain faithful until she lost her girlish figure.

Bottom line is that people that ignore and disrespect their spouses are the ones that cheat for whatever excuses they may come up with. Get a clue.

Shhhhhh!

Secrets you keep to spare another’s heart
Will only make them hurt more.
For secrets are sneaky little things that
Creep around corners and whisper,
“Someone is hiding something from you!”
They do not like being kept hidden
In shadows but seek the light
Where they see their damage.
A secret can destroy a relationship.
It can kill a friendship.
It can separate a parent from a child.
It is a powerful and dreadful weapon
Which can only be destroyed by Truth.

Ingrid Michaelson on Ellen

I think that it's always a pleasure to see Ingrid Michaelson sing. She is a wonderful and talented performer. I honestly never considered myself a fan of anything but just an appreciator of talent, but this kid is changing my mind as I found myself watching Ellen for the sole purpose of getting to see her sing. My boys were there waiting as well. They got bored by Ellen and wandered away, but kept coming back to see if Ingrid was on yet. When she came on they were again mesmerized.

So why do you think she hits home? Maybe because her songs remind us of just being alive and trying to survive. We all have dreams and setbacks and I think Ingrid Michaelson catches this in her music.

Here she is singing Maybe.



Lyrics:
I don't wanna be the one to say, "Goodbye" but I will, I will, I will
I don't wanna sit on the pavement while you fly but I will, I will, Oh yes I will.

'Cause maybe in the future you're gonna come back; you're gonna come back around.
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back; you're gonna come back.
Oh. The only way to really know is to really let it go.
Maybe you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back. You're gonna come back to me.

I don't wanna be the first to let it go. Oh. But I know, I know, I know.
If you have the last hands that I want to hold, then I know I've got to let them go.

'Cause maybe in the future you're gonna come back; you're gonna come back around.
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back; you're gonna come back.
Oh. The only way to really know is to really let it go.
Maybe you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back. You're gonna come back.

I still feel you on the right side of the bed.
And I still feel you in the blankets pulled over my head
And I'm gonna wash away (I'm gonna wash away)
Oh. I'm gonna wash away everything 'til you come home to me.

Maybe in the future you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back in the future
You're gonna come back. You're gonna come back.
'Cause maybe in the future you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back around.
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back.
Oh. The only way to really know is to really let it go

Maybe in the future you're gonna come back (You're gonna come back)
You're gonna come back around.
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back. (You're gonna come back)
You're gonna come back around.
Oh. The only way to really know is to really let it go.
(Maybe in the future you're gonna come back. You're gonna come back around)
Maybe you're gonna come back. (You're gonna come back)
You're gonna come back. You're gonna come back to me

Mmmmm. You're gonna come back to me. You're gonna come back to me

Coakley Vs. Brown - Shoot Me! I'm a Patriot!

I don't think that it's a sign of partisan politics that caused Martha Coakley to lose the race in Mass. I realize also that President Obama's comment that "Campaigns and candidates matter" was taken as a direct affront to Ms. Coakley. I don't think people should look at it that way because in this case he's right. It was the people running in the election that the people in Mass looked at.

In my opinion the comment that Mr. Brown made regarding the senate seat being the people's seat and not the Kennedy seat is what may have made the greatest impact. The Democrats and Republicans alike seem to be forgetting who elects the people that represent us. It's not supposed to be a Democratic or Republican seat in the Senate, it's supposed to be a body of people elected to represent the ideas and needs of the people in the United States.

Ted Kennedy's widow called the Senate seat his "legacy." It is true that the Kennedy's have represented a great political power for decades in the US. However, I think that idealism is waning through the years as we see new and unknown faces entering the political arena and making an impact on how the American people vote.

It is a mistake to give too much power to a political party. In that case we might as well just have an Oligarchy and not a Democracy. The working party is not represented when you look strictly at a person's political affiliation and not at his or her willingness to stick up for the needs of the American people. The salaries that our representatives make exceed that of the population they represent.

I was told by a democrat after the Obama election that there are no such things as patriots in this country anymore. She was incensed that I had an opinion as to why I didn't think that Obama was the perfect president for our country. I must have been racist or something, but at the very least she considered me to have an archaic viewpoint of politics. I beg to disagree. I think that we need to have that sense of pride in our country to bring back what we have lost. We have become so ingrained in a person's political party that we shine them up like brass and present them like a prize you can win at a carnival. Political candidates are not Kewpie Dolls. They don't sit around and look pretty, the make decisions regarding our future and our childrens' futures.

So, at the risk of showing my Patriotic colors I will say congratulations to Mr. Brown and his stint in the Senate. Perhaps for once we can have a person in office that will actually do what he says he will do and not make excuses as to why it can't be done.

It would be nice to see some of those bi-partisan politics that Obama promised. I would love to see the bridges linked and a good rousing round of Kumbaya as Democrats hold hands and join together for the good of the people of the US instead of worrying about making their pay raise.

I am a Patriot and I stand proud in my love of this country. So shoot me, because evidently I'm becoming an extinct species and I'm sure that many believe we need to make way for all the new and improved technological campaigns.

Complain about everything that you will, but in all honesty we have a wonderful place to live and the only thing that seems to screw it up are the blinders we wear during elections as we gyrate like political sheep (that keep getting sheered) toward our political affiliations.

Kiss Me Again

It's the New Year. Everyone should be kissing in the year to bring us love, happiness, and luck. Biciami Ancora by Jovanotti... Because Italians know all about love... and kissing.

Hints for Marriage and Relationships in the New Year

No one wants to start the New Year on a bad note. If you are in a relationship or married you definitely want things to be happy and go smoothly. So here's a few hints for those in relationships for the New Year that correlate with our new techie lifestyles:

1. Put down the computer! - How much time do you spend on the computer? Play games? Watch movies? Blog? Chat? Get on facebook and myspace? Take time away from the computer and spend some time EVERY DAY with your partner. Even if you just snuggle on the couch and hold each other while a bad rerun is playing it's better than keeping your hands on the keyboard and chit chatting with them. Take an hour or thirty minutes and give each other attention. Having a computer in the bedroom is just as bad as having a television in the bedroom. It's better to read a book and snuggle than it is to hold a large piece of plastic in your lap and read. That large piece of plastic makes it harder for your partner to get near you.

2. Don't air your dirty laundry on sites! - Okay, it's addicting and fun, but seriously. You don't have to air all your dirty laundry about your spouse online. Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter are not the best places to talk crap about people. Once there the words never go away but are forever available for the world to see in cyberspace... even after kisses and forgiveness has been done.

3. Quit hooking up with people on websites! - Online chatting and dating are becoming real problems. It takes us back to number 1 too. Why are you spending time flirting and having online sex talks with people when you have a real person right there in your home? Hello? Maybe this is one reason you are having problems, genius. And you think you're being sneaky? Think again. Did you know that around 25% of divorces today have named facebook as a reason for being divorced? You will be found out. So, instead of spending time having pretend sex with a person online, try the real thing with a real person that lives with you. Actually talking to them and having relations with them might fix some of your problems.

4. Make a date night at least once per month! - Yes, I do realize that things get busy, but with all the new time you are making by putting down the computer and actually looking at the life you have around you you can make time to actually take out your siggie. (*siggie = significant other) It's great to reconnect and help develop some of that waning romance. Take turns picking out the date and don't be afraid to be creative and try new things.

5. Go to bed at the same time! - Don't let your partner go to bed before or after you do. Make it a routine to go to bed together. Spend a few minutes sharing ideas for the new days or just sharing thoughts. You might be surprised to see what happens. It could be the very thing you need to revamp that sex life.

6. Don't lie to each other! - Even if it's little white lies it ain't good, Bucko. You can skim the truth but eventually it's going to come out. If you don't share what's wrong they can't help and vice versa. Part of being in a relationship is being able to share. If you have a crush on someone bring it out in the open and maybe it won't be such a problem because holding it in only romanticizes it. Bringing it out in the open may actually help you get over it.

7. Don't blow off the handle! - Especially if he/she is sharing with you. If they do have a secret crush and they are bringing it to your attention it means they trust you to be able to handle it. Take things in stride. Remember, once you lose your temper you've lost the argument. You can't have a conversation if you're yelling and anger only causes hurtful things to be said. Take some time to calm down and then discuss things. Be aware, be patient, and try to see the other person's point of view.

We'll stop at lucky number seven. Hope you all find that your love is grand in the coming year!

Surviving Thanksgiving

I truly must be a survivor. After going to Turkey and living through numerous taxi cab rides(in Turkey there are no speed limit signs, no one sees lane lines, stop light are not laws but merely recommendations, and traffic police are there only to collect money if they actually care about how you are driving, catching some kind of bug that my oldest daughter so kindly shared with me (thank you Sesame Street for "It's Nice to Share" idea that it gave to all my children growing up), and having five extra boys in the house and three extra girls in the house for our Thanksgiving holiday I realize I can survive almost anything. Even 2012.

My perplexity comes from our now 17 year old daughter whom decided that she didn't like having extra people in the house at all. She didn't even like having her paternal grandparents here. "It's not like they care at all about me," she said. My concern was that she spouted off with her grandfather standing directly in front of us.

Honestly I can understand how young boys might get on her nerves, not that they paid her much attention. They were loud and energetic, but that's how boys are supposed to be. However, I can't understand her disdain over her grandparents and her aunt. She was a bit miffed by the fact that her uncle couldn't remember her name, but hey, he's a guy. He's lucky to remember his own name at times, I'm sure.

I think what it boiled down to is that she wasn't the center of attention. She felt the boys were more important than she was. She also didn't like the fact that her grandmother brought up her natural mother and was talking about her. She hasn't acknowledged her in several years now and doesn't show signs of forgiving her for past transgressions yet. It's a very hard issue to come to terms with. I know several women that have "mother" problems that they never have gotten over.

I think it's tough being a teenage girl. You have all those hormones running rampant and no where to release them. You feel like you're lonely all the time even when people are in the house. No matter what you say you are misunderstood. You have to constantly watch what you wear and what you say. Boys, on the other hand, can pretty much wear whatever they want. If they don't shower and jump out of bed crumpled it's still cool. If a girl tries that they get snickered at all through the day and rumors start running rampant.

But after saving the cockatoo and giving him therapy after new boys came in and thought he was carnival shooting toy, the smaller dogs and the cat were relieved and came out of hiding, and finding dishes and food in very clever hiding places things are getting back to normal... or as normal as it ever gets here.

Honestly, I do miss Turkey. It was wonderful there. I miss the people, mostly. But I love being home with my family and friends. I enjoy being in a place where I can drive to the store at a reasonable speed and where I can mostly count on people stopping for a red light.

Now that the turkey has been downed, two birthdays are almost out of the way, and the kids are back to the school grind we can get ready for Christmas. (sigh) But at least we'll have most of our family together, and for me that's the bestest part of the holidays.

***Note: The picture is of our favorite taxi driver whom we fondly call Benjamin. His name is actually Ebu Bakir which I mistakenly heard as "Abel Baker." I told him he looked like a Benjamin and he said, "Okay. I'll be Benjamin." He's totally awesome... :) and can drive better than most race car drivers I've seen.