Watching as they grow... Even the Youngest grow older

I sit and listen with a smile as the boys play.
It wasn't that long ago that I held them close and
nursed them upon my breast.
Not yesterday, but before.
My memories are not dimmed by their growth away from
Mommy's arms.
Inside I know that the nurturing I gave them lies inside
their hearts and will be with them forever.
It will help them to become father's, husband's, lovers.
They will understand the meaning of touch, kiss, and comfort.
It is not sad that they grow further away from me,
but I wonder how the gradual increase in their independence
happened without my seeing it come.
Time does create a difference in life, but I shall always
hear the whisper of "Mommy" in my mind and feel it in my heart.
I am not losing a child - I am creating young men that will
direct the future of our world...
right after they finish killing zombies on the latest video game.

My Nuclear Family

Every day I watch as my boys play with their father and am so grateful that they all love each other so much. It's a wonderful and amazing thing, even when they get a little carried away and you have to start moving expensive things to keep them from becoming victims of masculine horseplay.

Looking at the boys and their father no one would guess that one of them was not his biological child. Nothing he says or does shows a difference between the boys. I don't believe in my heart that he actually thinks of one as his step-son, but honestly loves him just as much as if he shared his DNA. In our family we believe that heart plays a much more important role than blood because heart is what you need in order to make a family successful.

I love my husband, not just because he has this remarkable way of giving all of us the love and support that we need, but because he loves fully and honestly. When someone says that his boys look just like him he smiles with great pride. He's amazing.

Sixteen Year Old Invaded by Body Snatchers

I think my sixteen year old has been invaded by body snatchers. Why? Because I know for a fact I didn't raise this child that is so surly and discontent. Her Ipod broke that she received for Christmas. Things happen. She wanted me to send it back and get a new one to replace it since it should still be under warranty. Of course it looks as if it's been out on the battlefield and hit by a couple of sniper rounds, but hey, I'm sure the guys over at Apple wouldn't notice, right? When I told her that I didn't think that the abuse was covered by warranty she goes storming off and slamming doors. Not a pretty sight. She didn't even wait for me to tell her I'd buy her another MP3 player. Nopers. She would much rather go and let the demons in her roar.

Then she comes back and tells me that she didn't "abuse" the Ipod. It wasn't her fault that the cord was being held together with duct tape. Millions of kids around the globe have this problem with their Ipod's, it's just an Ipod problem. Okay then. Evidently my Ipod, her dad's Ipod, and her 9 year old brother's Ipod are immune because it is a disease they only contract from teenagers. Whew. Good thing for me, huh?

I remember the other day I watched a movie called "The Secret"(no, not the one where you think about what you want in life and get it) where a father loses his wife in an accident and she comes back in the daughter's body. Kind of creepy, but there was one really interesting line. The mother, speaking through the daughter says something like "I didn't remember what it was like to be sixteen. You have all these hormones running through you going crazy. You feel horny, angry, and sad all at the same time and you have no idea what you want."

So, I guess instead of turning my daughter over to the government for alien experimentation I'll keep her, at least for another couple of years. I'll listen to her door slamming and yelling and crying and remember... my mother was so lucky I wasn't like this when I was 16.

Girls and Their Daddies

I was watching a show last week called Being Erica where she is scooted back in time to right wrongs she's done in her past. In this particular show it showed the difficulties she was having with her family life. Her sister was angry with Erica, Erica was angry with her mother, Erica's mother was angry with her ex-husband. Erica believed that her mother was a shrew to her father and that the divorce was totally her mother's fault. Later when she is whisked back in time she discovers her father was having an affair. Her mother never wanted her or her sister to find out. She would rather have her girls think she was a horrible person then to have them hate their father.

When I went through my divorce my daughter had similar feelings toward me. It was very difficult for me, but I never wanted to say a negative thing about her father. The problems that I had in my marriage, I felt, should not influence the relationship the children had with their father. It wasn't easy. So many times I wanted to say something so I wouldn't be the bad guy. There are so many things that other people don't know, and my ex didn't seem to have the same compulsion I had in making allegations or telling stories. Still, right is right and truth comes out in the long run.

Today I have a friend going through a divorce. She has two teenage daughters. The daughters say hateful things to her and blame her for the divorce. There are so many things that she could tell them but she doesn't want to influence them negatively. They support their father and want his love and attention. For them this is a very important thing. You can see them vying for his attention and approval. So why not Mom? Because deep down inside they know they have their mother's love. I believe that they feel safe expressing their anger and frustrations to her. Is it fair? Not in the least. But still, they will do whatever they can to please their father even if it breaks their mother's heart, which it does.

Not all mother's are as gracious as my friend. She is frustrated and hurt and wonders if she's doing the right thing. She's constantly doubting herself and feeling horrible because her heart is breaking not only from losing a spouse and a family unit, but she feels she has lost her daughters.

My experience has shown me that daughters tend to come back around. Eventually they see that Mom isn't Satan in disguise, she's human and flawed but she loves her children unconditionally. Daughter's may strive to be Daddy's Little Girl but it's Mom that is there for heart breaks and chocolate ice cream.

Given time my friend will find that her daughter's don't really hate her - they are just a bit selfish, like all other teenagers around the world. They are discovering and finding their way in life. One day when the blinders come off and the demon of confusion leaves their bodies they'll look over and say, "Mom? Is that you? I was wondering where you were."

Words Matter, But Heart Counts

I know that my Daddy loved me. He didn't have to; after all I wasn't his daughter through genetics, but by choice. He kept me with him even after my mother passed away. He never failed to tell me he loved me through his way of keeping me and taking care of me. A day didn't go by when I wasn't thankful to have a place to live with people that I knew cared about me.

It was a year after my mother died that he remarried. The woman was beautiful both inside and out. She didn't even balk about having a child from a previous marriage that wasn't his by blood. She treated me as her daughter from the time she walked into our home and to this very day.

I think one of my fondest memories was when I was leaving to go and visit my older sister and she said the words, "I love you, Pasty." I cried. Not because I was sad or unhappy that she cared for me, but because I knew exactly how much it took for her to say those words, and that she wouldn't have said them if she didn't mean them.

I learned a lot, I think, from the relationships I had with my parents. It was because of them that I found that it's not the blood that matters in a family but the heart.

So, in the spirit of those that taught me to love I try to extend that to my own children. My 16 year old may not be mine by blood but she is mine by heart. Like all of us she has her faults, but she fights them with anger and frustrations which cause her more harm then good.

I have faith that in the long run she'll learn to control those emotions. She actually took the time tonight to sit with me and discuss things. She listened. I'll have to say that it shows quite a bit of maturity for a 16 year old to actually take the time to hear what their mother has to say and actually think of ways to implement the ideas they give.

I can't take the credit. I had very good teachers.

So, thank you to all those people that take children in and love them. Take it from someone who knows - it makes a world of difference.

Gary Lewis is a Stand-Up Guy!

I know what it's like to grow up never knowing your father. My father was a dead beat dad that ran off when I was two and we never heard from him again. He never acknowledged me to his family, so they never knew I existed. I grew up okay, but it does make you feel a bit odd as a child at times. Thank goodness for me I had a Daddy that loved me like his own and never made me feel unwanted.

Suzan Lewis, born in 1952, probably knows exactly what I'm talking about. She was told by her ailing mother in 1972 that she was Jerry Lewis' daughter, but Lewis never acknowledged her. When Inside Edition offered to pay for a paternity Jerry Lewis refused to cooperate. However, his son, Gary Lewis (yes, the former Rock N Roll star of Gary Lewis and the Playboys), stepped up to the plate and donated his DNA for testing.

"Asked if she'd like for Jerry Lewis to acknowledge the results of the test, Minoret seems hopeful, but not overly concerned.
"Well of course I would love that [Lewis acknowledging the results], and I don't see why not...but hey, if he can't for whatever reason, he has his Oscar and I have Gary!" (From article at Popeater.com)


Both seem elated with the results of the test putting all doubts that anyone might have had regarding her paternity. Her father may not be stepping up, but her brother is standing proudly by her side telling anyone and everyone, even putting it on a website.

Personally I think it's great for them both. Gary Lewis is, in my book, a chivalrous man. I wish him and his sister a lifetime of good memories.